Blog Entry
We love you, grandpa!
Written by APS on February 9, 2010
February 6, 2010, my grandfather died. This is a huge loss for me and our entire family. He was only 71 years. I still can not believe it. Over the past few days I experienced a lot, maybe I got stronger, but I would never tell anyone wished to become stronger because of this situation. But it happened, and we need to get used to it. But I know that he will always be near...
He has long been a sick man. He weighed a lot killogram, and in recent years, he did not go outside, because the it was very difficult to descend from the third floor and he did not want that. But he had a lot of friends! He had two heart attacks, one in 1997 and another in 2007, but he was strong and never anything he did not complain until the last days ... On Wednesday, February 3, I normally come home from school, then I have had sessions with a personal teacher, and after all these classes, I came and lay down to sleep. Suddenly I was awakened by his brother, and said that Grandpa is not feeling well (he and my grandmother lived in a neighboring house, and we often saw each other). We quickly packed up and went to him. When we arrived, he sat on the bed, and it was hard to breathe. My brother went down to wait for an ambulance, and I stayed with my grandmother in the apartment. My grandmother gave him the medicines. An hour later, we again called for emergency assistance, we were told that all machines are busy, like someone is released, they will come. We were shocked, but most had no choice but to wait ...
Finally an ambulance arrived. They made him injections. But the still feeling ill, decided to take him to the hospital (my grandparents have always been very ill, and they often lay in a hospital. The last time my grandfather was in the hospital in October-November, and my grandmother in January of this year). In October, when my grandfather was very ill, he barely managed to escape. When they reached the second ambulance, we put him on a chair and let down in a chair ... It was very hard, helped us a lot of our neighbors. When we come down, then put on a stretcher, which put in an ambulance. My brother and I decided to go to the hospital with him. My brother was seated with the driver, but I'm close with my grandfather in the ambulance ...
I'm was in shock! I've seen it in movies, when in the car, the doctor saved the patient and his relative was sitting nearby. But I never thought about finding myself in this situation. It was very difficult. But even at this moment I do not you missing belief that everything will be fine. I for some reason in the very depths of the soul was at peace. When we were traveling with me were two doctors, a man and a woman. And a woman I very much support, saying that everything will be fine, I even helped them. When we passed on the way to the hospital, the doctor told me to speak with my grandfather, becouse he was delirious ... I repeated to him that everything would be good and that he did not disappoint us, and has suffered a little more ... now I remember it and i want to cry ...
We arrived, put him to bed. A few minutes later we left the doctor and said that he would not guarantee he would survive. He had two heart attacks, but they do not always save thirty years old men with first myocardial ... Then I realized very scared and did not know what to do ... And we went home ... I, brother, mother and grandmom are very experienced, but the following Manufacture morning my mother went to the hospital, and he was conscious, he became easier! I was very happy! I realized that his saved! That evening my mother and his brother went back to him and then he became even better. They brought him things and he left only a few, and said that his grandmother put him much too much! Hahaha. And then I realized that he really better. The next day I went to see him with his mother. And I knew that this was the last time I saw him alive ...
We came, he was very cheerful, and then I realized that he was just much better! We arrived late, the hospital has already closed, and we were with him for about 10 minutes. We brought him to phone her grandmother, and taught how to use it ... And when we left, I was sure that all is well ... The next day, Saturday, my brother went to him. He had felt unwell, he was shaking! And he said that doctors would not talk about it! He thought that everything will ... At a time when my brother was with him, he went to the toilet. My brother wanted to see him, but he refused. And when he went to the toilet a few minutes in the door there was a knock. My brother opened, and he's lying ... He picked it up, planted, went to the doctors and said that his grandfather is bad, the doctors came and gave him injections. And my brother went ... When I learned I had a bad premonition. It was already 10 pm, I was watching tv, and suddenly my room my mother comes and says: Granddad died... I never forget it's moment...I just froze on the spot! And from that moment, my life changed. We yet do not know from what he has died, but speak that it had third heart attack and other complications... I can tell a lot about what happened next, but will not. I just wish that you would understand what I have experienced and supported me. Guys I really need to support! The biggest fear in my life, it is to lose a loved one, and it happened. I am especially my mother and grandmother were very difficult. And most of all I felt for them! My grandmother is very weak heart, and I was afraid that she would be bad. And now we do not leave her alone, every day we walk on stage and sit with her. I believe that everything will be fine.
Now i remember him, he was very funny! And i'm still cant believe in it !!!!!!! Ohhh, i cant write more... Oh, God .... Please let him in heaven will be good! I know that he now wants to see me and that I and my family did not suffer. Granddaddy we love you!!! You forever in our hearts!!!!!!!!!!!!
WE LOVE YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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KimberlyWyatt said on March 9, 2010:
Losing my grandmother was extremely difficult as well and still to this day I believe she is still with me. She was the rock that held our family together and the strength that helped me believe in myself. The one thing I wish I would have done was given myself the time to grieve.
You are doing the right thing, Allowing the memory of your grandfather to live forever. He now lives through you and is with you as long as you believe. Sometimes it takes a passing to put life into perspective. How lucky we truly are to have the days that we do.
It sounds like you have a beautiful and loving family and I send you all my love and support! Don't be scared to feel and know that everyone is here to support you. Continue to share the beautiful stories of your grandfather and allow the lessons you learned from his life to live on through you!! xoxo
xtina said on February 15, 2010:
Hey Paul, i'm really sorry about your loss. when i was reading your blog, i could picture the scenes and really bad images came to my mind. i just wanted to tell you that you're not alone.
One of my biggest fears is to lose the ones i love, but i always have to remind myself that nobody on earth is immortal. There must be an end to everything...Some have happy endings, some don't. But you say that you've grown and become stronger from this experience. Every tiny thing teaches us something in life, it's our role to keep the lessons in our mind and use them in our every day life. I always say that to most people, but it's what i believe.
Be strong boy. We're here for you! and when you need to cry, please don't keep your tears inside. A good cry can make you feel really good after.
All my love and light to you!
and of course, never forget that he's there, looking over you! :) xoxo
Aoife said on February 12, 2010:
the meaning of life will never be clear to us, so i believe in order for us to get the best out of life each day, we have to define it ourselves. We have to find the beauty in the everyday and the lessons in the negative experiences we have to endure.
I'm so sorry to hear about your loss. You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers. I'm so proud of you for being able to get the necessary help and for being able to stay so strong in that situation. Each day, someone loses a person they truly care about, and i can only imagine the pain you must be feeling. The fact that youre able to speak about it through your blog shows alot of courage and strenght. Dont be afraid to cry. Cry if you want to cry, smile if you want to smile. Your grandad's so lucky to have a grandson like you;)Talk and dont hold back. Even if you feel like your friends cant support you, if they know how youre feeling im sure they'll do everything they can to help. Your family will also support you. Youre all feeling similar emotions and talking will bring you closer. Trust me.
I hope that you'll find your strenght again and be able to smile knowing he's at rest, happy and watching over u. I'm a message away if u need me.
love u
xoxox
jokes7 said on February 10, 2010:
Dats cool aps anytime m8, i lost my dad and nan within 4 weeks of each other back in 2003 n neva felt supported so any support i can give i will try!!!!!!!!!! Oh n thanks 4 da befriend m8!!!!!! x
APS said on February 10, 2010:
@BAG thanx Brad! Yes, I have learned a lesson from this ordeal, and so I think I became stronger, what I really missed him. And I know that my grandfather is happy that I got something good out of this sad event. Yea, I remember only good things associated with his grandfather. It gives me strength and I wish that he was proud of me, I will try to do everything that depends on me, for this purpose.:) Thank you so much for support!:)))
@missmessy yes, thank you!
@Jsmilez thanks for your nice words! Yes, it is difficult, he was also a part of me. But with me is my family, and I need their support, and they in mine. Yes, I release the emotions out, but I control them. Yes, he will always be there, at different times, and eventually, I think I will learn to feel his near.:)))
@jokes7 thank youuu! I try to be strong. He suffered, and I hope that now he has found peace and he is well in heaven. Thanks! Love!:)
@Sandra thank you so much for your beautiful comment! I need not only to support my family but also in support of my BM Family, and I get it! Yes, I know that he was near, that he sees and hears everything. But I still do not fully realize that he is not with us, but I'm waiting for the day when he comes in dreams. :) You know, at some point, I do not much want to cry, I do not know why ... but suddenly the tears fell from my eyes, and did not stop ... and at that moment I felt that my grandfather did not want that to I wept much. Now if I do not cry very much, I know what he wants, that we were not really worried. Yes, I am sure that now he will always, protect us! And I know that I would see him in heaven:) Thank you Sandra, i so grateful to you! I love you, sis!:)))
BAG said on February 9, 2010:
I use to question why god would allow such suffering in our lives, until I found the answer myself.
We do not truly apreciate life and its riches until we witness first hand that it can be taken from us so easily, like the life of a loved one.
But, when you think about it, that's the true beaty of death because we can compare death to life and see just how special the short time we have here really is.
It may hurt alot now, but trust me, there is a lesson to be learned out of the ordeal you went through in the loss of a loved one.
It's up to you to make a choice from here on out: will you remeber the good times and harness the positive energy that your grandfather left you with good memories? Or will you dwell on the bad times and only choose to see the evils in death?
Trust me, take the high road and remember what kind of a person your grandfather was, and learn to cherish life and live it to the fullest, because tomarrow it can be taken from us with ease....
My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family
:)
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APS
Paul is a guy who is 19 that lives in Russian Federation. He joined Dipdive on January 22, 2009. The last time he logged in was on September 18, 2011.
Hey, I know you wrote this ages ago but I have only just read it. That's a very sad story and I'm so rry to hear about your loss, losing loved ones is never easy and always hard to accept, even though we know one day it will happen. From what you said though, I can tell he had such a loving family and I have no doubt this helped him not only in his last few days but also through his whole life, knowing he had such wonderful caring chicldren and grand children. He was very lucky to have you and I have no doubt he is at rest now and he will always be there in your heart and your memories. x