I am not a girl, not yet a woman!

Written by Janurka on January 8, 2010

I used to think
I had the answers to everything,
But now I know
Life doesn't always go my way, yeah...
Feels like I'm caught in the middle
That's when I realize...


I'm not a girl,
Not yet a woman.
All I need is time,
A moment that is mine,
While I'm in between.


I'm not a girl,
There is no need to protect me.
It's time that I
Learn to face up to this on my own.
I've seen so much more than you know now,
So don't tell me to shut my eyes.

I'm not a girl,
But if you look at me closely,
You will see it my eyes.
This girl will always find
Her way.

I'm not a girl
(I'm not a girl don't tell me what to believe).
Not Yet a woman
(I'm just trying to find the woman in me, yeah).
All I need is time (All I need),
A moment that is mine (That is mine),
While I'm in between.

Britney Spears - I am Not a Girl, Not Yet a Woman.

____________________________________________

Hey guys! :) First and Foremost I need to apologize for not being online often and not commenting on your blogs. But try to read them all.

In a few days will be such an important day for me - one year since I joined a site full of ups, expressions, love, light, happiness but also downs and sadness, one year since I joined Beautiful Movements! Thank you!

There've been too many moments and people that if I wanted to write them all, I'd have to spend weeks with this blog so I decided to choose just the ones which have touched my heart the most. Lets start from begin. :)

I guess that most of you joined BM just because of Ms. Kimberly Kaye Wyatt. I wasn't an exception. But with time, everything had changed. I can't say I love Kim less than before, but I just realized that there are more important things in a life than getting a talk with a famous person; getting talks with inspiring people. You were with me when my parents were breaking up and also when they got together again. You were with me everytime when I felt dissapointed with love, friends, the world. And coming back became an awesome end of every day. Thank you.

But last 3 months has brought me the biggest changes of the last year. And I am not afraid to tell that of the whole life. Thank you.

Falling for someone was such a normal part of my life. I was a normal girl, with good manners. My family has always taught me that only my own sedulity, justice and devotion can move me on and when I see some ex classmates I feel really sorry for what they have become. But my family also taught me that there is no other way in a relationship that between man and woman. I took it like somthing so normal but then I "met" her - a person that lighted my way that I finally could see why I am so unhappy and not filled in some things. I found myself and with that I also found out that I am a bisexual. First time in my life I really asked myself "Who are you?" Thank you.

But how it uses to happen there has to be a bad side of thing - I fell in love with her endlessly and enormously much.And I finally understood what means saying "Love is blind". First day I wanted to stay quiet, kept it for myself, but I just couldn't. Everything was stronger than me. So I came out with my all feelings. Her reaction was clear - she offered me friendship and respect. It made me to touch the bottom. How stupid I was when I thought it is not enough? There was one time when I didn't want to live anymore. My mind was full of feelings but I couldn't get them off. And I almost gave it up. So here I want to start with a first shout out. I don't want the person to be named here. Not because of me. She knows that loving her makes me feel on the top of the world, but I am not sure, she'd like to see her name here. But here we go.

I know that you are not perfect and nor can I claim to be either, but please believe me when I say that I want to be by your side to hold your hand, to be held close to your heart, to comfort you, dry your tears and calm your most frightening fears and show no shame to scream my love for you out loud all over the world. You are one of the best persons I've known and no matter what, you'll always have a special place in my heart. As a friend, as a person I love. I believe in the beauty in you and it is what anyone cant change.

The second one comes to one of the best friends I could wish - Christina Chung.

Let me first say that I LOVE YOU. A friend is someone who makes you go through bad times and enjoy the good ones with you. Because of you I realized what the life is about. That no matter what has happened, life goes on. I have no words to express how grateful and pleasured I am to share this way called life with you. Your each kind word makes me incredibly happy. Thank you for everything you've done for me because it is probably the best thing someone has given me in my life. I appreciate you.

And the last one is for a girl that had been with us for a while, too - Cristina Pucci.

Dear Italy. You are probably the biggest source of laugh for me. And the best about it is that you don't have to even try. You can make me smile and laugh at everything. And just knowing I'll have another awesome call with you makes me feel so better. And no just this. You give me strength to move on and understand that I am not the only one who is not ok. Thank you.

Needless to explain in detail the associated connection, since I do not wish annoyance or regret. Perhaps just a warm glow of shining sun. So I will not give up - or at least I'll make myself to act like that. Because in addition to various myths, there is also a great truth, which should not be totally ignored. I have never failed to take other than a brave stance. And it's what I've already passed, gives me strength to go on.

I fight! Thank you.