How long...?

Written by Janurka on August 16, 2010

"Hi:) I just wanted to thank you for this day .. I loved to see you and. .. I missed you. I just could not admit it. I had those feelings of the beautiful old days we spent together, it felt just fine with you .. I might have wanted to be cured and carefully to avoid mistakes of past. I do not want to blame you for anything.I hope that you will please me with your another visit tomorrow and stay here the whole night, Miss Perfect."

Sitting here between four walls. Face full of tears. Tears of momentary happiness. So after all I really saw your smile again. I knew it. One month and I felt like it was forever. You missed me and now you are back. We are back. I just want to hug you and never let you go. Don't speak. Look me in the eyes. Don't spoil this moment. I knew that every night you were falling asleep, it was me you were thinking of. That every time you see my picture you want to touch me again. That everytime you cannot sleep, you imagine us. Yes, I know. We are girls. Two stupid girls. What would others think about us? I don't care. Do you know how long I've been dreaming about this moment?! Since the moment you left me. And now when it is here, I am helpless.

Are you asking me how am I? How primitive. Like you don't know any better questions. All the time I was asking God to bring you back. Even thought you said that you don't want me anymore. That I mean nothing to you. What a lie. I was sorry for every single letter I'd written you. We promised we can do it. Together we can do anything we want to. I know you dissapointed yurself.

Admite it. You and I, we belong together. The hungry passion when we are waiting till your mom leaves house to be able to touch each other. These lies I tell my mom to be able to stay at yours.

Incredible. How long has it been since I was crying and asking you not to leave me? You just laughed at me. But my love is stronger and stronger everyday.

Holding my knees, crying my eyes off. You are just smiling and looking at me.I try to be strong but..."I miss you!"

Awkward moment of silence.

You did it again. Your lips touched mine. I feel drunk. We cannot make love. You don't want it anyway... Right? Please, say not.

What if I see you last time. Never know. You are speaking about camping or so. I don't really hear your voice. Just my heart saying "Do it! Do it!" But what about my reason? I do not want to know.

Hug. Kiss. I can feel your hot breathe on my skin. Love me, please. Hold me in your arms forever. Yes. I want it. Another endless kiss. You stopped.

"What's wrong?"

Just a sad look at me.

How long are you going to be mine? Will you again text me that you did not know what you were doing and I won't see you again? I don't care.

I am remembering about the first night. You wanted to remember every part of my body. I asked you what you don't like about me. You didnt say anything, just that I am perfect. That we are two princesses and this fairy tale has got a good end. It feels like yesterday.

And we are here doing the same again. You touching me drives me crazy. Just a one thing I do not understand. You do not look me in the eyes............................

It is over. You just touch my "cute" belly all the time. Can you feel it?

"It was....perfect."

I love hearing your voice.

"Yes, it was... We are such fools! You should be strong. What a fail."

Your look into my eyes. Finally. I can see the same happiness I feel on my mind.

"Oh my God! What time is it?"

"4 am."

"I promised to text...him Wait a minute."

Yes. Him.

"Tell me. Are you happy with him?"

Why are you asking me. You know the answer. I've always liked him. And he deserves all the love of this world.

"Yes. More and less. I do not want to hurt him."

"I wish him all the happiness I couldnt give him."

"And are you happy with.. you know. With Honza?"

"My beautiful Jake. He would never hurt me and I am so happy for that."

"Do you love him?"

"I want to. But.. Bella will always choose her Edward."

Yes. Edward. Her personal Edward. It is just me who doesnt fit in this movie. This Edward I kissed in front of her. I knew she was looking at us. Provocation? Perhaps.

She cheats on her perfect boyfriend. I cheat my mind. But desire is stronger than our manners...