Time for change?

Written by Kaitlyn on October 4, 2010

I can never find the right way to start an entry and always think what im trying to get out never does.

Around 3 weeks ago my dad was rushed into hospital because he collapsed. My mom phoned me at 10pm to tell me and i sat up waiting for a call or text explaining what had happened, at around 5am she texted and said he almost went into a diabetic coma but hes fine now.

I believed what she said even though 7 weeks earlier she texted and said my nanna was in hospital but shes acting i'll and is fine, 2 days later my nanna was gone and i missed the chance to see her one last time.

/the next afternoon my brother called me and said my dad was going into intensive care and i needed to get down there because it didnt look good. At around 9pm his doctor said he had blood poisening and kidney failure and he wasnt going to make it out of hospital, two hours later we were told not to go home because he wouldnt make it through the night.

My dad started responding to the medication around 5am and we were told he might make it.Thankfully my dad pulled through and has just come out of hospital but his health is poor and isnt going to improve anymore then this.

What started my dads blood poisening was a cut he got that he couldnt clean properly because of his size. Hes around 32 stone and was to embarressed to ask for help or tell anymore. He had had the cut since April and it had got seriously infected.He has a bad case of diabetes but eats junk food everyday thats killing him, provided by my mother who is also very overweight and diabetic and eating junk food too.

Im scared im going the same way. Im over weight and dont want to end up 32 + stone killing myself and putting others through that.

Im about to start healthy eating and excerising more but i have no idea what kind of things i should or shouldnt eat.

Ive been saying for a while that im going to do it but ive been so unhappy with my life ive been finding it hard to get motivated to do anything.

I feel like my life has ni direction and ive achieved nothing. Im 24 yrs old and see all these people younger then me achieving so much and i feel stuck im a rut. I no i have to pave my own path and take control of my own life, that its only me that can do it and make me happy, but i feel stuck in a town with no opportunities and no way out.

Since leaving school i lost all but one friend, shes the only friend i have and sometimes it upsets me that i dont have more people in my life.

My family are not close, i dont see my mothers side of the family and i only sawe my nanna on my dads side. I have 3 brothers, one wronged me beyond words and i cant stand him, another who i also dont speak to just simply because we have never got along lives in the Shetlands and the other the only one i do get along with moved to America and got married 2 1/2 yrs ago.My mother and i have never been friends, i grew up being the one she didnt wants around and the one she tells she doesnt like. My dad and i get along, i was always his little girl but as ive got older we hes changed. We still get along but we dont see each other all that much.

As my dad laid there in hospital i held his hand and i hugged him and told him i loved him before i left. I kept thinking how i hadnt done that since i was a little girl and that upset me.

My brother came over from America to see my dad and he told me i need to try to get out of this town, he said i shouldnt end up living here all my life and never making anything of my self the way my parents havent.

How can i do this when im so unhappy with me, with life and dont no were to start? I really dont want to end up the same as them in anyway but im so scared that that is whats going to happen.