Don't know what to do:(

Written by Lisalovespcd on November 9, 2011

Ive been wanting to write a new blog for a few weeks about how my new job is going etc but its been hard because im not so sure where to start. Its been about 3 weeks now since I started at the Dakota and I wish i could say its going really good but i'd be lying if I said that, Im not going to go on too much about it but I just feel so crap about it and need me some BM Fam love cos it always cheers me up lol!

 So the first couple of days went ok, one night i was helping out in a private meeting and it went really well so after that I wasnt feeling so worried and nervous about going in but of course it wouldnt stay that way! I hate saying this but i really dont like it, everyday before i go in im in tears, I just cant help it its like just before im ready to leave the house or before i go into work the tears come out of nowhere! I know everyone has their good and bad days but its been mostly bad for me, i just get the feeling im not doing anything right and everyone is getting on at me for it! I mean ive not even been there a month they cant expect me to know everything by now and its so hard most of the time! everyone makes mistakes but they dont seem to accept that, esp new people! last saturday i had an awful shift to be honest, but there was one lovely couple in that made my night cos they said they werent so happy with the food cos it took a little while to get to them but i made their night out worth while cos i gave them amazing service and noone else did so that made me feel good and made my night so much better but then I got the blame for everything that happened from the people i work with and they told me not to take it personally! WHAT THE HELL, who do they think they are putting me down like that and it wasnt the first time! the other day i was in and my manager was going on and on at me as if i wasnt doing anything but i was doing everything there was to do and he kept making me feel like i was doing an awful job even though he told me in a meeting i was doing good and blah blah but aparently he says it to everyone, there's been a few times ive been so close to walking out but im trying not to let him get me down and to ignore him cos its not worth it! I also feel like im treated like a 'skivy', like yesterday morning i was asked to go in 7am till 10am and it was hard to say no but i know next time to say no because all i wasnt even needed, there was more than enough people in but i bet they thought oh lisa will come in and do everything in the kitchen(again)! what a waste of petrol too and i was bk in at 5pm:/ ergh, this probably isnt making much sense but I just feel so lost and dont know what to do! Im still looking for jobs in the airport cos thats what i really want to do so hopefully something will come up soon!

Pretty much every day/night ive been there ive had to go and take a minute to breathe and cry, I just wish i could have a job I enjoy and not worry about what the day is going to bring and who is going to get on at me today!:/ but im not going to give up just yet, i will give myself more time to try get used to things but i feel this isnt for me! Much love to my BM Fam, I probably would of quit already if you werent here to help me through the tough times! xoxo