Even though all things seem to be against you right now, believe in the simple fact that everything WILL get better. Everyone has those points in life where things just seem to be going wrong, everyones against you and youre just totally unhappy with the situation. BUT from that point on the only way is UP.

And I totally believe in you! Even though it might seem to much to handle right now try to take little steps. Step by step you will get to the end of the black hole.

The job situation is hard, especially when you're needing the money. But as others have said before your health is more important than your job. If you feel like youve reached a point where you just cant do it anymore you should think about quitting or at least really starting the look for something else. There will be other options, maybe just your dream job waiting around the corner?

Watching a loved one getting worse by the day is one of the worst things ever. I've been through it with my grandma. Its terrible how much it breaks your heart seeing her in this state knowing how she was before. Knowing how much she was different from how she is now. The sad thing is that theres nothing you can do besides being there for her and even though its hard spending as much time with her as possible. Talk about your feelings! It's something I havent done when my grandma got sick, when she died after a long illness about 3 years later. It makes it easier, it really does. It doesnt have to be your family, it can be anyone friends, bm family or anyone you trust and love. Talking is definitely the way to work your head around everything that is happening!

Last but not least I need to say this. Don't do anything stupid! Know that we are here for you, always! As well as all your friends and family too.

"Believe in yourself and all that you are. Know that there is something inside you that is greater than any obstacle. " - Christian D. Larson

xoxoxoxo

Baby girl,

Hitting the lowest of our lows gives us the chance to dig deep into our soul, our being, and ask the necessary questions. What is it in life that makes you happy? What do you enjoy doing? What are your strengths and what are your weaknesses? Once you know the answers to questions like this you can asses your life and make necessary changes. Your happiness has to be your ultimate goal. Knowing that there are many variables in life you cannot change is the challenge but also the lesson.

Dealing with matters of the heart like your gran having alzheimers is bound to make you upset. Don't dismiss that. It's important that you acknowledge how this makes you feel and digest it fully....but don't let it overrun your emotional self or take over. Try new ways of communicating your emotions to your family. i find that when I am trying to explain myself and i'm not getting the response that I want....there may be a better way of saying it that will give me the comfort from my friends and family that I need. Sometimes we have to face our vulnerable selves in order to conquer our barriers blocking the emotions we need to feel and express.

While travelling through this dark tunnel of hopelessness you have to remind yourself that there is light at the end of the tunnel. Even if you can't see it right now, it's there. You have to trust this and keep pushing forward! This journey of life is going to bring these moments to you contantly throughout and what our purpose is is to find ways of dealing with the ups and downs as gracefully as we can. THATS where BM comes in.....

I write my blogs and I do what I can to be as honest as I can to show that none of us are perfect or above anyone. We are all just the same, trying to find ways to stay true to the loving and compassionate side of ourselves. We each have both the light and the darkness but also the POWER to manifest the sort of life we want. Use the lessons in these expereiences as the building blocks for greatness.

I completely understand how your feeling, I've been through so many period of my life where i've felt almost exactly the same, and yes you start to scare yourself. I personally feel alone and want somebody to talk to and to love me, but whenever anyone asks me if i'm okay etc. i just say i'm fine and hide my feelings. The first thing you to do is block out the world and focus on you. The negative cycle that your experience from people around you, and situtations needs to be shut down. Go through every single feeling your having and get right down to all your problems ( cry your eyes for as long as you need to ) it actually helps. Then you simply have to be brave. If somebody is treating you like your a waste of space either wipe them out of your life or become like ice to them, let their comments bounce off your walls. You will feel better eventually and although it will be hard and you'll want to give up, know that your strong enough to get through it and you will get through it,. Know that you are never alone, and that are never a waste of space. I hope you feel better soon, and that at least one thing i've said helps you. Know that you can always message me. And I am sorry about your gran's illness, it must be so hard. <3 xx

Lisa, that blog had made my eyes well up, they are glazed over. I hate that you feel like this but 1. IM NOT YOUR ENEMY! KIMS NOT! THE BM FAMILY ARE NOT! & 2.we love you lots for who you are and 3.you should never feel ths low cus you certainly do no deserve to feel this way!!

the job situation is difficult - i don think any of us are happy until we find out what weve been put here for - til we feel happy and content with what were doing and serving people for :( i hope it picks up just think of the rewards the money will lead you too - seeing kim, buying bm beauty and going out with friends:) & just keep applying for jobs everywhere - or consider going back to college or on to university?

How about starting up your own business in your own time? If its all successful youll never have to do another day in the hell hole :( im so sad that you feel sad but promise not to ever consider! NEVER EVER EVER again think abour crashing your car because the pain it would bring me, kim, your family and friends is unreal. this is just a phase remember - theres a silver lining around every cloud and i even have learnt that. i love you lots keep that beautiful smile on your face missy!xoxo

We've been talking about this since the other night, and so i hope i dont start to repeat myself! lol. Firstly, youre not 'complaining', youre expressing your feelings, which, i've found hard to do so i think its really admirable that you can be open with your feelings. You have a purpose in life. Please dont think u dont. Everyone does in this world has, and its up to you to find it. Your journey in life isnt always going to be easy but im starting to think that the adversity we face is what makes it beautiful, you know when you come out the other side stronger and learn to smile again? Youre stronger than you give yourself credit for, and theres nothing wrong with asking for help. I think you should go talk to someone, as Em has already said. Go to your doctor, look into counseling. Take the first step towards taking your life back from the grip of anxiety and sorrow. You need to realise what your worth, because when you do, the comments that youve had to deal with lose their power. If you were everyones enemy, why have you got people who love you for who u are in your life? YOURE NOT everyones enemy!! You've got your bm fam too :) and we love you! a whole lot!  I refuse to let you give up on finding the happiness your entitled to, which is why i'm urging you to leave your job. I know you've said that you need the money, but will you need the money when you become ill? Your health and happiness is worth more than anything and your job is lucky to have you. You have given your best and its not that youve failed, it just means that its a path that hasnt worked out. It sounds like youre having panic attacks and i know how scary they can be, if you breathe through your nose it makes you calm your breaths, if that makes sense? If you breathe through your mouth youre taking in more oxygen and when youre having a panic attack it can feel like youre struggling to breathe, so try breathing through your nose next time. You'll get through this, i know you will. We're that close that i can tell when youre upset by the way you phrase things, actually i think id be able to tell how youre feeling by a 'look' only we're a bit far away. To me, youre happier when your off work,like the past few days when you've had time to chill and go out. I know ultimately the decision has to be yours, we can only give our opinions on it, but really think about what you'd like in your future. Remember what you told me last night? Go for it. Free yourself from the negativity youre surrounded for and go for it. Take a leap of fate and learn to trust in life. It wont always be plain sailing, but if there were no downs you wouldnt have any ups?  I know how hard it is dealing with dementia, given that my nan seems to be deteriorating each day too. Its so hard isnt it? My family dont get it when i try talking to them either, so i usually dont try, given that they wont fully understand it as theyre not around it 24.7 like i am, but u know our little heart to hearts will always exist :) Your health is going to get worse with the extra stress,its not stupid its realistic, which is why you need to face it. So really think about your life without that stress...Without the worry you face when  u have to work? You'd feel more free. I know you would. Just because one door closes doesnt mean another one wont open. The only reason it wont open is if your knocking on the wrong one, and basically, you learn through trial and error. Youre loved and you are truly amazing so please dont forget that! And what about our song? We wont let you give up ;)

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ok firstly i'm not here to lecture you just to try and help you. You really need to talk to someone , maybe a therapist or counsellor ,someone whos not involved in your life at all, i get where youre coming from and that really helped me doing that and I hope it will do the same for you.

As for that job like Rach said get yourself out of that situation hun,its not doing you any good and look how that and everything else is making you feel? You need to put yourself first above anything else.

Please don't do anything stupid ok, we are here for you

Emxoxo

Lisa, everything will be okay! Just take a deep breath, you can cope with this!!

You need to take yourself out of the situations that are destroying you. If work is REALLY that bad then it's not worth it. It sounds like you'll be better off without it...you shouldn't worry about the money because it's your health and happiness that is most important. New job opportunities will arise. It's really easy to get lost in a black hole...I've been there before and it was horrible. But what I learned was that if you cannot improve the situation then you need to remove yourself from it. You don't want to be looking back on this time and be like "Why didn't I just quit?" A job isn't everything. Happiness is much more important.

I'm really sorry about your gran, I can't imagine what it must be like to go through that. Your family are maybe finding it hard to deal with it themselves that they might not realise you're breaking down inside.

And please don't do anything silly...again, I've been there before and it's awful when you feel like you're screaming at the top of your lungs for help and it's like no one even bothers to turn their head. Things WILL get better, I promise. Loads of people love you. Your BM family loves you, and your real family love you too, even if they don't show it....LOADS of people will miss you if you were to go :(

Take a deep breath, keep your chin up. You got this :)

xxxxxxx