Family

Written by MFL on March 20, 2011

I have a tattoo on my wrist it reads "ohana" which means family  in hawaiian. My family is very important to me and always my number one priority however I am not a priority in their lives.

through my therapy I was able to learn many things. One of the things I learned was that I have to either accept my family for how they are and continue to have them in my life or grieve the loss of my relationship with them and move on with my life. That was one thing that emotionally drained me quite often. Giving my all to my family always living in hope they'd love me in return as much as I love them and always getting disappointed.

My relationship with my mother has always been hard, I idolise her and have seen her go through abusive relationships and fall apart and i'm the only one of her three children that witnessed it all and supported her. Things happened to me as a child, I was a victim of sexual abuse and looking back my mother didn't give me the support I needed, i never got counselling and it was never discussed, it was brushed under the carpet as if it never happened. It wasn't until my therapy last year that I was able to discuss this issue properly and how let down i felt by mother and still feel that whilst going through my therapy. I'm th eone who makes the effort to call her, she doesnt call me back very often, i'm the middle child and when my elder and younger siblings are in need of help my mother is there for them emotionally and financially but for me it's always oh emma's strong emma will fall on her feet.And during my breakdown I had the opportunity to discuss this with her and we have a much better relationship now. I just accept the fact I wont hear from her when she says she'll call back. I still want her in my life so I've acceped her for how she is.

Sometimes I think is my tattoo a mockery? is it just a sham? But to me it's not. My family are still important to me even if i'm not to them.

But in all amongst this I gained a whole other family and that's you guys. When I was so down you were there for me you supported me and continue to do so, you are my family,with me at all times in spirit and on my wrist, part of me always.