WOW! that's some blog.

Don't ever stop caring about yourself. Shit happens and it's how you deal with it. How many people or your friends do you know could but up with all of that in one day?  You've just took a beatting and your still standing, now that says something about the strength you have inside of you.

I had friends like that. I would have given them the shirt off my back.

Once Helped a friend change the exhaste on his car, but when it came to to change my broken wind screen wiper he had to go and meet his girlfriend. Didn't see him for the next two weeks so guess who had to fix the windscreen wiper. Me

Helped a girl friend brick up her fire place and paint her new flat.  not even a thank you.

I started thinking it was me and i was just being stupid. But it wasn't.

There's some people in this world that just take and some that just give. think you are a giver

I know life can be such a Fcuking mess sometimes so let it come and wash over you. take a beatting and just get back up and say is that all you have got.   

Will leave you with this :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) : :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) .

I can relate to what you wrote about people who are supposed to be your "friends". Everyone always says that friends would stay forever, but the truth is that it's NOT true. In the end you have to face the fact that only YOU can be your own best friend. You don't necessarily need someone else to call your "best friend" in order to get through life. A so-called friend of mine recently did something that I wouldn't have expected from her at all. We've known each other for approximately eight years and we went through so many ups and downs together - and then she just deceived me as if it was nothing. And I also know what you mean when you say they're making fun of you... There was a time when some of my friends used to make fun of me too. I don't know if they really meant what they said or if it really was meant to be a joke. But I think the more you get to hear something, the more you start to believe it. You could tell the most skinniest girl in the world that she's fat every day, and after a while she would believe it. Don't let them drag you down, cause you know that they're no real friends. real friends wouldn't do such things. Real friends are supposed to understand you when you're not even saying a word. Let the people behind that are only there to make you feel bad and just move on without them. I know it's easier said than done since the thought of going through life without your "friends" might be frightening but you shouldn't waste your time racking your brains about people who simply aren't worth it!

"Sometimes I wake up in the morning and wonder if the person I decide to be today is really me, or if I'm pretending to be someone else." - pretending to be someone else, playing someone else's role and not showing who you truly are is SO much easier, I know that. But would you rather be loved for someone who you're not or be hated for someone who you really are? I'd prefer the latter. One day you'll find yourself and then you can start living life to the fullest. I haven't found myself yet as well, but all that's left for me to do is appreciate every single day and just be who I am and do what I want to do. I know what it feels like to see all those other confident people passing you by with their strong presence. I know what it feels like to feel foolish and kind of worthless compared to them. But you should NEVER ever compare yourself with others - neither in appearance nor in accomplishments. Cause you'll always fail! Why? Because we depict them as more successful and more beautiful than they actually are. Also, you should never try to be 'happier' than someone else - cause you'll never know if that person just decided to play a certain role or to pretend to be happy today. maybe that person had the very same idea that you had: pretending to be someone else.

I've always been a person who was really realistic and so I never believed in things like Destiny or God. But I'm gradually regaining my faith in both God and Destiny. And one thing has always been proving: That everything happens for a certain reason. That reason might not be good for YOU, but maybe other people who are effected by it. For example the split of my parents: In the beginning it was all bad and I couldn't find a good explanation as to why this happened to me. But as time went by I realized that my parents were both so unbelievably happy now. And that this might be the exact reason why this happened. They weren't meant to keep on suffering from a bad marriage - they probably deserved some luck and happiness. Besides, it also made me a lot stronger and more independent than I could have ever turned out without that divorce. Just keep your faith and keep holding on to it in bad times, cause that's exactly what Faith is there for. It helps you to be sure in times of unsureness. It helps you to see in times when you're blinded.

I don't know if that even helped you a tiny little bit, but I hope it could bring a little ray of sunlight into your dark day. Hang in there. Life won't be cruel and mean all the time. Think of it as a roller coaster: You will never be up without having been down before. Sometimes there are loops as well as sharp turns. And sometimes there will come another down after you were down previously. But therefore there might come three ups afterwards - you'll never know. But no matter how many downs might follow after the down of today, I want you to know that there's a person on the other side of the world that understands you, and if not then at least I try to. Keep your head up my deary.