An Odd Day...

Written by Rach89 on October 20, 2011

I've felt so weird today...like I don't even know what I'm feeling. I'm really hating on myself for not having a job yet. I left my last job in August and swore to myself I'd have a new one within a couple weeks of me starting college. It's now been almost 2 months since I started college...I've had about a handful of interviews but I'm obviously not good enough.

I feel a bit in-between about college too. I've been there since end of August and I'm not yet in a "routine" as such. I'm only in 2 days a week. I'm supposed to be in 4 days a week but because the college staff seem to be completely unorganised, I can't start placement in a preschool yet. Everyone else in my class has a nursery that they work at on Wednesdays and Thursdays but because my disclosure (police check) took so long in getting sent off, I haven't started yet...

It's kinda making college more difficult too. Classes are mainly based around what we do at placement. What we learn in class, is what we have to practice in the nursery. I just sit there half the time with a blank face because I have nothing to practice my work on... I know I'm getting behind, I'm gonna have to catch up on all of this when I can finally start placement, but it's not my fault I haven't started yet... I handed in my first essay a few weeks ago, but don't have it back yet so it could be complete shit. I have another essay due in next week but I don't have a clue about it. Don't know what I'm supposed to be writing about. I do know I'm supposed to be gathering evidence from my placement but how can I do that if I'm not started yet? :/

So feeling a little stressed out by that...At the moment college just feels like something to keep me entertained on Mondays and Tuesdays. I don't feel like I'm making any progress yet, plus it feels like we're always having time off with afternoons off for freshers fayre, a day off for some daytrip that most people didnt turn up to, the long weekend in September and now a weeks holiday for the October break. The first term finishes at the end of November and I feel like I haven't done a thing.

I'm really hoping that I get a job soon because there's no way I can afford all my bills and stuff on just my student loan...I had a big student loan payment at the start of the term, plus my last pay from my job and I've made that last a while but it's running out now. I'd be heartbroken if I had to leave college because of financial reasons...I kinda wanna fast forward to next summer to see if I have managed to complete college or not...

I feel like I was starting on a new path but now it seems like I'm just standing still, not sure what my next move should be. I'm real good at burying my head in the sand though, so no doubt I'll squash these feelings back down soon.