Blog Entry
Bye Grandma!
Written by RaRa on July 30, 2009
I've always been told to see the light in every situation. But yesterday I came to a point of asking where is the light now? How come I can't see it?
This passing of my Grandmother has been quite a shock to me. Although I know her age is at that point where we should be ready to let her go, still I was unprepared. I was still expecting her to be there when I go home for the weekend. I was still expecting her to be there when I graduate and become an RN, cheering me on and congratulating me from what I have accomplished. But now she's gone. She could not wait any longer for me.
It's crazy to think that, even though she had lived for more than 90 years in the surface of this earth and even though I practically grew up in here care since my parents are usually abroad, I still feel that there are a lot of experiences I could have shared with her in the coming years if she had not left us. I could have taken proper care of her myself the way that she did to me. I could have made her smile a whole lot more. But now she's gone. I can never do any of that anymore.
Having grown up with her care built so many loving memories with her that will forever be engraved in my mind and in my heart. I already miss playing with the loose skin on her arms. I already miss tickling her. I miss bugging her until she accepts those little things I gave her. I already miss how she cooked for me during her stronger and younger years. I already miss how she bugged me to eat every chance she gets even though I already have eaten right in front of her. I already miss hugging her. I already miss her caring words. I already miss her laughing at my antics. I already miss the whole of her...
Being what-can-be-called-here as a Lola's girl makes it even harder for me to accept that she's resting with the Lord now and not with us. I now regret not being by her side during her last days in this world. I regret being away majority of the time since I started in University. I regret not holding her tight before she let go.
As i see the people dear to me pass me by, it's impossible for me to go through the daily course of life without difficulty. During the pass couple of years, I have been experiencing losses within my beloved family and at some points it gets so hard to bear. I feel like breaking down altogether. Luckily I have people to back me up whenever, no matter how far or near in the world they are from me. For that and the thought that my loves are already resting in the Lord's paradise, I'm still ever thankful.
I'd be ok. It takes time but I'll be ok.
=]
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xtina said on July 31, 2009:
Each time i read things about losses, i cant cope with it. like you, i'm very close to my grandma. she's like my second mom and i cant see my life without her. we dont live in the same country anymore but we video call each other every weekend. and i cant imagine my life without her. lately ive sent her a letter saying how much i love her and how much i care for her because im so scared to lose her. im so scared to lose her before telling her how much im grateful for everything that she did.
but you know, you wrote this blog and you have those thoughts inside your mind. i'm sure that your grandma can read your thoughts right now and that she's looking after you. she will definitely be so proud of you for what you've achieved in life.
and of course, we are all here to support you whenever you need someone to talk to.
stay strong and keep that positivity that she's with the lord now :)
Sandra said on July 31, 2009:
It's never easy to lose someone who was so close to you heart - and I guess almost everyone has already experienced the same! I already lost my uncle and my grandma, who were both very close to my heart and who I loved so much. My uncle died three years ago and my granny one and a half years ago. And what I can tell you is that it still hurts. I still miss my uncle on all the Christmas parties we have with the whole family. And I miss my granny for not being there to cook for all of us. There are so many more things of course, but actually, it's lways the small things that yu mss the most! However, don't EVER try to fight against your tears. If they threaten to roll down your cheeks - let them. If you feel like staying at home, locked inside your room - do it. Some people may expect you to get over it soon, maybe in a few months. But the bitter truth is that time never heals wounds - you just learn how to put that issue in the back of your head, and not to have it in the forefront all the time. Just take as much time as you need to deal with the pain!! I guess I've toldyou that several times now, but you know you have a lot of people here who are willing to listen to every word you have to say! - We're always here :) xoxox.
j3lu
lee said on July 31, 2009:
Sorry to hear about your grandma. Don't try and fight the sadness and tears just let them wash over you like a wave and if you feel like you want to cry then do it, it's the bodys way of dealing with it. Don't see that you have lost her she's still with you in every hart beat. Take the happiness and strength she has given you and take it out in to the world and show her just what a good person you are. Take care. :)
mery1a said on July 30, 2009:
hun, i know that any of our words will make u feel better, but try to remember all the nice moments that u lived with her, all the funny things. the pain will be there, but u will feel a bit better soon, i promise.
and like jessi said: stay strong. we are here for u . all my love and support 4 u. love ya honey
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sorry to hear about your grandma. just capture all those great memories of you and your grandma and cherish it always. she must be very proud of you matey :) xx