Blog Entry
insecurities.
Written by Sandra on July 3, 2009
First of all, every single person out there in this world has insecurities.
The problem is that many people can't distinguish between insecurities and fears. I think that fears envolve from insecurities. If you don't overcome and defeat your insecurities, they will develope to real fears or even paranoias.
You can be insecure about a particular part of your appearance, some characteristics of yours, your future or about people who surround you. But no matter what it may be it is actually vanquishable!
As for myself I have several insecurities. And I want to share them with you, so you can read it or not, whatever you want :)The first thing on my list would have to be the insecurity about my future. What am I gonna do after my graduation? Respectively, what am I gonna do after I finished my year abroad? I mean I do have a plan and even a plan B, but I can never be sure if it's gonna work out the way I planned it. This insecurity of mine is actually about to evolve into a fear. But I guess this will get better once I landed in England for my year abroad. Sometimes your whole environment influences you just so much, so that you can't think clearly. You have people around you who tell you about their future plans without realizing that they make you even more insecure about your own ones. Everyone else simply seems so much more confident than you. But actually, you'll never know if they are just as unsure as you. See, the more you talk about your plans and the more confident you come off as, the more you'll believe in your own plans. Never let anyone else lead you astray without your permission.
Another insecurity that I have is about my appearance. I'm not really satisfied with my body when I look into the mirror. There are some good days when I like what I see but on other days I truly hate my own reflection. I know that this is probably one of the most normal issues of the world, especially for people of my age. But I can feel this insecurity grow inside of me. The weirdest thing for me is that I know that I'm by no means overweight, I really know it in my head. But something makes me believe that I'm like the fattest person in the world. There even were times when I made myself throw up intentionally because I couldn't stand the person looking back at me in the mirror. And still I have the desire to do so every now and then. On some days I hardly eat and on other days it's the other way round. Also, there are times when I don't wanna go out because I feel too fat. Honestly, I don't know why I feel this way since there has never been someone who told me I was fat. All I know is that I've already had this insecurity in elementary school and it didn't disappear until now.
The next one would have to be the insecurity of really being accepted and loved by the people who tell me they do. Actually, I know that my family loves me to death but then again I have days when I think they can't mean what they say. This insecurity probably arose from the one I talked about before. Maybe I can't believe them sometimes when they tell me they love me because I don't completely love myself for what I am. Maybe my head hasn't realized yet that my family sees my positive sides before looking at my flaws. My heart knows that this insecurity is ridiculous but it hasn't managed to convince my head about it yet.
After all I learnt how to dispel those insecurities from the front to the back of my head. I learnt how to put them aside whenever I don't need them. But though, they have to break out every now and then. And that's alright, cause you'll never be able to fully suppress what you're struggling with inside.
We all have to realize and internalize that we're not the only ones with insecurities. And we should stop putting us down only because we think someone else is 'better'. But however, it might take a while to make this work. It might take a lifetime. But in the end, there's nothing more beautiful than living a life without any insecurities. Neither about yourself nor about anything else in this world. A life without insecurities means a life without intimidation, without discouragement and also without oppression.
"The things you want are always possible; it is just that the way to get them is not always apparent. The only real obstancle in your path to a fulfilling life is you and that can be a considerable obstancle because you carry the baggage of insecurities and past experience." - Les Brown.
"iT iS PLAYiNG SAFE THAT WE CREATE A WORLD OF UTMOST iNSECURiTY." - Dag Hammarskjold.
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Sandra
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xtina said on July 16, 2009:
"You have people around you who tell you about their future plans without realizing that they make you even more insecure about your own ones. Everyone else simply seems so much more confident than you. But actually, you'll never know if they are just as unsure as you"
I can absolutely relate to that! my mom always tells me to do whatever i want as a career, but then she usually asks me if i dont wanna go into accounting instead of sciences. deep inside of me, i know that accounting is not my future.it was not meant to happen. when she questions me, i get mad because i feel that she's not happy my decision. but now that i'm going to uni in september, i made my own decision...choosing sciences. something that i was born to do. we are all born to do something in life. i believe that things have been written. we have many choices but we have to know which one to choose.
About your appearance, you're such a beautiful girl! i was looking at your pictures on dipdive, and you're sooo pretty! and i mean it! :)
I'm very happy that you wrote this blog. Writing helps people think a lot. and i'm sure it made you think about that and help you in overcoming your insecurities. keep it up!
Like Roofyrox said, you have the brightest future!!!
and you're amazing in so many ways!!
MEMErryl said on July 8, 2009:
All that you have written are so true. I really wish you could learn to love yourself more. I know that most of us don't really know and understand how it starts, how it works. But you know, you just have to learn to accept everything, little by little. Don't let any negative ideas about yourself get in your head. Sometimes, everything we feel is just psychological. The mind is where it starts so never stop fighting, never stop believing.
I'm really happy that you were able to start getting over all your insecurities. It's true that they never go away but what matters is we overpower the overwhelming emotions. Congratulations on the progress you've made. May you succeed in every plans you have in mind. Don't worry, love comes in all shapes and sizes. Don't ever mistake love for pity for it loses its very essence. If you love yourself, you need not to worry if the people around you are just being suck-ups. What matters is you believe in it.
What a coincidence finding someone with the same thoughts. Really glad to meet someone like you here. Thank you so much. Don't worry too much, okay? You have a lot of people around you who support you. Just keep fighting!
Be safe. :)
-Merryl-
roofyrox said on July 5, 2009:
i love the way u write, it has a great tone, really, its like i can hear u talking. you are so honest, and u have the brightest future ahead of u with your strong, positive personality. lots of love.
watersmagoo said on July 4, 2009:
I am talking to you now, without having read this blog.....I know what your going through.
Honey. People can tell you till they are black and blue in the face that everything is going to be ok. But that doesnt change how you feel, in your heart you are afraid...afraid of failure.........that song......."Everything will be fine as long as your perfect"
That is false! Because guess what...there is no rule to life. There is no set rule about what you have to do once you finish college...infact....life isnt supposed to be scary. As soon as you start fearing it, and what you think your MEANT to do.....then you stop living.
No on said you have to study forever, no one said you have to get the best job in the world. You just have to be happy and that will lead you to success.
As with your body issues. That comes with low self esteem. And that is because you are hard on yourself. You cant control your emotions, so you try and control your body....there fore making you feel better and filling the void of pain within.
You need to learn to love yourself.
Honey. You do realise, the ONLY acceptance you need is from YOURSELF. Love thyself....let life shine through you. Who cares what others say hon. You know your worthy of your life....dont let people hold you back....they dont care, so why should you......
Let your soul free, and dont bottle up your emotions, because the longer they are kept there the harder they are to deal with........
You need the strength of one.....(yourself).......not the strength of a army......
All my love...
Magoo xo
PunkPrincess said on July 4, 2009:
I completely understand all your insecurities because I have them too.
I feel insecure about my future too. It's hard when people don't support your dream because you start doubting them too. And it's the not knowing what will happen. People create plans, but sometimes not everything works out and the rest of their life feels bleak. But I realised recently that if you know where you want to go, and if you have an ambition, it is easier to know what you are going to do and if you fail, you are more likely to keep trying.
Sometimes the person who puts you down the most is yourself. The media projects these images and ideas of being skinny and beautiful that are so absurdly shallow and impossible and so bad for people. But people still criticise themselves for not being up to that standard, myself included. I used to hate myself so much that, I'm ashamed to say, I used to cut myself. But I realised it was not a solution to the problem. I still feel insecure about my appearance to; I'm still learning that it is stupid to try and be someone that nobody can be, and that nobody is ugly in this world but everyone is beautiful in their own way. You, Sandra, are beautiful and a beautiful person. And you are going to a lot of beautiful things in this world :)
Sometimes you find someone who loves you for you, but you can't believe anybody could love you, yourself, and you push them away. And you end up stuffing up something good because of your insecurities. But is it really worth it? Is it really worth throwing away everything that's good because you think you don't deserve it? William Shakespeare wrote, 'Love is not love which alters when it alteration finds. It is an ever fixed mark that looks on tempests and is never shaken. Love alters not with time's brief hours and weeks, but bears it out even to the edge of doom.' If someone loves you, they love you for who you are despite your flaws. And everyone deserves that. Everyone deserves to be loved and accepted. It is the only way we can get a chance to become better people.
Everyone has insecurities. But I guess, it depends on ourselves to either let them rule our lives, or if we decide to put them aside and be ok with who we are. I'll be here if you ever need to talk :) And remember: "Happiness comes in many forms. In the company of good friends, in the feeling you get when you make someone else’s dreams come true, or in a promise of hope renewed. It’s ok to let yourself be happy, because you never know how great that happiness might be." - Lucas Scott
mery1a said on July 3, 2009:
sister,, u´ll have an amazing future, i can promise, u are so clever, and u know what u want, that´s the most important thing in life.
u are such a beauty, and u should know it, if u have been throwing up, or not.. that has to be the past ok? u are incredibly wonderful, inside and outside.
and.. nothing else.. i love so much, u help me a lot, u know it.
u are more than my sister for me, u are the biggest part of my life right now, so leave the insecurities apart. cause u should feel proud of u,
love u so so much . hope to see u soon
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Sandra
Sandra is a girl who is 21 that lives in Germany. She joined Dipdive on June 1, 2009. The last time she logged in was on May 10, 2012.
can you pleas give me some tips how to cope in this insecurities i feel with the ex girlfriend of my boyfriend???