That's what I think sometimes.

Written by Sandra on July 28, 2009

Sometimes I find myself sitting in my room with so many chaotic thoughts rushing through my mind. Then I frantically try to sort them, but most of the time it's all in vain. Cause the thoughts inside my head are too fast to grab, too heavy to carry and way too weird to understand.

Sometimes people look at me as if they could see right through me into my soul. And sometimes people just see the smile on my face and think I'm doing perfectly okay. They don't consider the fact that it's probably just a mask that I'm putting on whenever I need it. Sometimes people see my tears and think I must be sad or disappointed. They don't think that this could also be tears of joy. But actually, there's so much more behind that mask that people simply can't see. I try to hide my bad feelings inside of me, so no one can get negatively affected by them. I feel as if I'd only be a kind of burden on some people, if I shared my thoughts and sorrows. Though, I've learned to let them out every once in a while, I don't keep them locked inside myself anymore, as I used to before. However, I'm still not there completely. I still have to walk on straight ahead on my path to achieve that. But it's working out pretty well so far.

Sometimes I wish the whole world would just listen for one single moment. People tend to repress everything they can't deal with, but they should just sit down once in their life and realize what's going on in the world they're living in. We kill the nature by cutting down trees, by producing more and more CO2 and by building factories that we don't really need. We kill animals by contaminating their water, by destroying their natural habitats and by using them for our luxury like coats, bags and scarves. And along with that we're gradually even killing ourselves! But people keep on pretending not to see anything. It's not affecting us? It's not our problem? It's not us who's suffering? Yeah, not yet. But some day you'll wake up and then it's already affecting you! It will already be your damn problem! And you will already deeply suffer from it! So, don't shut your eyes, for no one sees the world the same way you do. And maybe the change of the world lies in your visions.

Sometimes I prefer trying to help others first, before I try to help myself, cause it distracts my mind and it's always easier to solve other people's problems than your own ones. I love helping people becaus the grateful smile and the warm words that I get back are enough to feed my soul. Giving advice to others automatically obligates you to live by those advice. You sould never give any advice that you can't even follow yourself. So, helping others just kinda prevents you from making the same mistakes they did. Through the pieces of advice that you gave, you know how to avoid those circumstances that would lead to that very same problem.

Sometimes I wonder why bad things happen. But then I quickly find the answer again: You simply must have seen the cruel and bad side of the world, in order to appreciate the good and beautiful one. How could you ever be able to even recognize the good side without the bad one? I think that all the happenings that happen to us during our childhood and while we're growing up have one simple purpose: To prepare us for our future life! I'm convinced that people who had a tough past are having a bright future in front of them. People who had to go through a lot are fighters and a lot stronger than others and in a battle of do-or-die those fighters would clearly win.

Sometimes I think that we forgot what really matters in life. Nowadays, it all seems to be about beauty and luxury. The society gives us an image of a perfect face and body. Always new inventions show us what we don't have and what we're missing out on. The human being is weak enough to be totally affected by this. Young girls try to starve themselves, they torture themselves and they do plastic surgeries, all because they think they're not pretty or thin enough. People walk through shops and see what they don't have, but what their friends or neighbors do have. Life could be described as a constant battle as to who is the best. But seriously, does all that really matter? I don't think so. We should learn to be more aware of the little but precious things in life. Have you ever woken up in the morning and heard the birds singing their love songs? Have you ever had a ladybug settling down on you and watched it crawling around? Have you ever lain in the green grass, looking up to the sky and trying to make out some funny figures in the clouds? Have you ever picked a blooming flower that seemed so lonely at the roadside and took a smell at it?

Sometimes I'm frantically trying to find answers to my questions, without realizing that I already have the answer - I just need to rephrase my question a little.
Sometimes I'm wondering why life seems so tough, though we know exactly what makes us happy, though we know exactly what's bad for us and tough we know exactly that one life is pretty much all we got and that we should enjoy every single moment, since everything else would only be a waste of your precious and amazing time!