Is this supposed to be how the story goes?
It's been exactly one week now, since I arrived here in Burghfield Common, England.
Seven days that have been like the craziest roller coaster ride in my entire life.
Seven days in that I've been crying, laughing and everything in between.
Now I'm sitting here in a very beautiful, little park near the house I live in and I'm reminiscing. I'm finding myself thinking about simply everything. Was it the right decision to leave my family, friends and familiar surroundings behind just like that? Was it rather brave or just plain stupid and naive? What am I gonna do, now that I've already taken the steps into my new life? What if it all goes completely wrong? What if I won't be able to cope with all the upcoming challenges that destiny has in its store for me? And what if all those questions are actually absolutely unnecessary and foolish?
I don't have one single answer to at least one of those questions, but I know that no matter what happens – it will surely be a lesson learned. A lesson that I simply needed to learn and a lesson that was worth it all.
So, I'm still sitting in the green grass of this park. The wind is blowing through my hair and my face gets softly cooled by it. I can hear the rustling of the leaves high up in the green and brown trees. I can hear the sound of cars passing by, hurrying their way on the streets with a destination no one else is allowed to know. The swing behind me is squeaking and a presumably small dog is barking somewhere in the distance. The sky is all white because the clouds are blocking the sun's rays, avoiding them to warm up the Earth. Birds are signing their love songs to each other and some of the blades of grass are moving cause there are little ants trying to make their way through what seems like a jungle to them. Almost every single house here is made out of bricks, and so everything's brown, red and coppery. The houses are relatively small, each with a very own little garden. It seems so ridiculously peaceful here. A quietness, harmony and rare beauty that's so hard to find nowadays, in this ever spinning and busy world. And I'm writing.
I'm writing because all the impressions here seem so overwhelming. I'm writing because it seems as if it's the only way to get my chaotic thoughts sorted. My mind's been going totally crazy recently, but I know that this is nothing but normal.
I'm thinking about my beloved family and friends every day – and just writing about it makes the tears coming up in my eyes. I wonder what they do, how they are and if they think about me just as often as I do. The last one bothers me the most and it actually makes the tears rolling down my cheeks just as I'm writing right now. Sometimes I hope for a text message or an e-mail, maybe just to let me know they're alright but though, missing me.
This has been one week without my beloved ones, one week with strangers passing my way day in and day out. I gradually start to remember faces and houses. But though, it's difficult and weird, since I used to know every road and house in my home town. I was able to greet people on the streets and to talk to them cause they knew me just the way I knew them.
There have already been several challenges for me which, I think, I mastered pretty well. I registered myself at a doctor in this city and I already had to take one of the children to this doctor, including myself as well. I had to buy several things like medicine and talking about the medicine itself, the prescription and so on wasn't always easy because of the fast and kinda slurry British accent. And the actual challenge, dealing with the kids and the household, shouldn't be underestimated.
Challenges – They are an inevitable part of everybody's life. They have to be mastered or lost, in order to gradually be able to discover every hidden part of yourself. It doesn't even really matter if you lose or win, all that matters is that you learn from it. There are certain things you just have to learn and if you're too blind to see the lesson behind it, then they will repeat over and over again.
See, there's a purpose to everything. There might even be a purpose why I'm sitting here, writing this for people to read. Sometimes it's hard to find that very reason and purpose cause a cover of doubts and disbelief is clouding up your sight.
So, why am I here? I'm here cause the urge to find those missing pieces of me became too heavy and huge to bear any longer. I'm here because I still have so many lessons left to learn. I'm here because my heart drowned my sanity out, which eventually led me here.
I think that in the end all that matters is to find happiness and satisfaction in everything you do, say and think. Just this morning, when I dropped the kids to school, I found myself smiling. I walked along on the sidewalk, looked around me and took a deep breath. I've hardly ever felt such a mixture of feelings – pride, security, reassurance, certainty and pure satisfaction. I smiled at the ironic idyll that was right in front of my eyes.
So, basically, I'm just gonna let things happen the way they're supposed to happen. I already took too many steps into my new life, so that I couldn't escape anymore or go back somehow. - But I don't even want to go back. It was my own decision to dare this steps, it was my own wish to look for those missing pieces no matter what it would take, and it was my own desire to become happy eventually. Thus, who would I be to back down now? Who would I be not to allow destiny to teach me all the necessary lessons I need to learn?
I guess that all those questions that I have in my mind will soon be answered, though maybe some of them won't be the answers that I've wished for. But that's alright, cause an answer is an answer, no matter if you like it or not.
I happened to realize that life's actually a pretty amazing thing. Of course there are bad things happening like wars, hate, death or any other cruelty – but if you just sit down for a few minutes somewhere outside, and if you breathe evenly, then look around you and be aware of all the great things that people normally wouldn't see. Be thankful for all those things and, more importantly, be thankful for life itself. Just take some minutes of your oh so busy time, gather all impressions around you and soak them up. After all, the world is really pretty amazing. It keeps spinning around and it won't stop for anybody.
Now I'm here – right in the middle of my once so blurred future, waiting for my visions to become clearer and more precise. I'm here. In the city that I'm supposed to call my current home – Burghfield Common. A small and somehow trivial village that yet can have such a huge impact on one single person, an impact that seems larger than life.
Comments
Chiros said 2 months and 1 day ago:
Never stop to chasing your dreams but do not follow a road ... create it!
Xoxo
Buona vita !!!!
rosekler said 2 months and 2 days ago:
OMG, I love read this blog as I love read everything that you write !! totally incredible!! I've learnt so much with this blog right now.... I agree with you, we must be thankful for everything because life is amazing but sometimes we're so busy or blind to see it !! You're over there just a week and you already learnt so many things and each day you will keep learning.... Dont look for answers right now, just enjoy your moment as much as you can and you're gonna see that the answers that you're looking for will appear in the right moment !! I just wanna say that you're already a winner for everything you've done, I mean, your courage to move to other country, other culture, language and your perseverance to follow your dreams and reach your goals are very inspiring !! I really admire you and be sure that you're gonna learn and grow more and more with this experience... You're making your future thru your own path , your own choices and making things happen in your life.. it's incredible because a lot of plp just wanted to have this courage that you're having !! I hope u're ok over there and u're such an example of bravery for all of us ... You're being the change that you wish to see in the world and I'm very proud of you for it !!! Love you so much, sunshine !! Be save and enjoy ur new life <3
Born2DancePCD said 2 months and 2 days ago:
proud of u schatzi for starting your new life. Dont let the 'what if' questions get to you, because theres no way of telling. Let life unfold naturally and enjoy every part of the ride!!!! Youre going to learn so much. Keep every lesson close to your heart. If you hold yourself back, how will you know how it feels to advance!? Youre rewarded by how much you put into life, and you put so much in everyday, and with everything you write. Keep ur head up and keep smiling ;)
ich liebe dich!!
xo
adik-ct89 said 2 months and 2 days ago:
This blogs is incredibly AMAZING!!!!! i love the way u throw out those words which is the way u express all ur gut feelin n thoughts. u are such a great writer with a great story. not far too much if i say that this blog is one of the bestest blog that i've ever read in my whole life.i'm not sayin this because of u are the person who's been loved by me so sooo much but this blog is purely awe inspiring.thank you my babe for sharing it with us. i gotta agree with RaquelMoriah91 that u were genuinely brave enough to decide ur future in ur own way.cause not many people out there have an ability to do that and to have a strength like yours. not even me! i gotta a feelin that u gonna make it happen. i always believe in u despite i do know that u are havin such a pretty pricking moments over there. be safe, be happy, be tough, and always be blessed by GOD. all my love to u.xoxoxo
p/s: u make me wanna fly to UK extremely bad hon!! hehehe:P
RaquelMoriah91 said 2 months and 3 days ago:
I love that you always include every detail in your writings. No, I don't think it was stupid or naive of you to leave everything behind. I think it's very brave, your only 19 and a lot of pple stay with there family until forever lol. I understand the urge of having to get out, and discover things for yourself. I'm feeling that pull right now. But as I start to think about it, I find insecurities that I don't realize I have, probably because I choose to push them aside. Like you finding your own doctor, lol, it's simple stuff like that, that scares me,lol. How will I get there(I have the worse sense of direction,like you wouldn't believe,lol, and I'm afraid of driving), what the hec kind of records am I suppose to give them, what kind of questions am I suppose to ask? It's funny cuz I make it sound so bad in my head, but once I actually start to execute my missions, I just have to laugh at myself,lol. Like remember that internship I was telling you about that I wanted, I got my application in, and I'm already set up for a phone interview, well I was suppose to be today, but seems they didn't call,lol, so I e-mailed the addmissions director, so hopefully I'll get a call soon. They will be choosing pple on the 20th. It took forever to get everything together, and it was all very frustrating to me,lol. But it's just little stuff, and I know that God is in control of it all. So there's no need to worry. But now, if I get in, I have a whole new set of worries, how am I suppose to take care of myself,lol. I haven't lived on my own, I know I wil be living on campus, but still,lol, interns aren't allowed to work. Where am I gonna get money to take care of myself. But I know it will all fall into place, I mean my family won't let me go without my needs. I mean my dad might,lol, but I know my mother will do what she can to help me out. So sorry my comments tend to be essays,lol, I don't even remember how I got to this point. lol. Darn it......lol oh yeah....well anyways....I guess my point is, don't worry so much about all your unanswered questions, and unknown discoveries. They will unfold just the way they are meant to be. And Iknow you are a strong person, and you will find what you are looking for, maybe not all of it in this place, maybe you will, who knows we just have to keep on following the trail, see where it takes us, and learn lessons and take opportunities from where we are right now. I love ya chica!
~*Always and Forever*~
Raquel Moriah
xtina said 2 months and 3 days ago:
There's a reason why you're there right now. You said everything yourself. I really admire your style of writing and i admire how you write everything. I truly believe that when we write our thoughts down, they make us look for more answers. what would life be without asking questions? we don't always find the answers, but the action of just asking them shows our interesting in soul searching and our purpose on this planet.
I can see myself in this blog. you know how i've moved to canada. the first few months were the hardest. I was missing my friends a lot, my house, my room. When i looked at pictures of my house, i always cried. But now i got used to living in a different country, away from everything i was used to. And everything is about patience and strength. I know you have those qualities. I can see them shine through you and your blog.
I always enjoy all your blogs and i'm thankful to be part of beautiful movements and be your friend. watching you grow is just one of the best things ever. being inspired by someone who's been through so much. thank you sandyboo :)
mery1a said 2 months and 3 days ago:
amazing sis.. i´ve enjoyed each word.. and i know u are strong.. so u´ll overcome all that ""fears"" and u´ll find the answer to each one of all that questions.
u are amazing, dont forget it.
see u in two weeks. love ya: mery xoxo
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Sandra
Seen here 4 hours and 45 minutes ago
| Name | Sandra | ||
| From | Germany | ||
| Gender | Female | Age | 19 years |
| Joined | 5 months and 21 days ago | ||
| What's Up? |
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Sandra,meine große :)
Ich find's toll,dass du uns so an deinen neuen Eindrücken,deinem neuen Leben,teilhaben lässt. Ich kann mir denken wie gut es tut,alles mal aufzuschreiben.So macht man sich alles auch nochmal vor Augen klar. Ich bin mir sicher,deine Familie und deine Freunde denken genauso häufig an dich,wie du an sie,da du ja ein ganz wichtiger Mensch für sie bist ;)
Und du hast recht,auch wenn's total anders als gedacht/erwartet läuft,eine Erfahrung ist es wert. :) Du schaffst das alles schon ;) :) Und es ist ja ganz schön,bis jetzt,richtig? :)
Kussss ♥