Blog Entry
Where is life leading me?
Written by Stef on November 12, 2009
Where is my life leading me?
A question I’ve been thinking a lot in the last couple of months and to be honest I have no idea. And that answer is one I really don’t like.
After finishing with school in June I’m thinking a lot about my life and my future. I don’t know what I want to be I really don’t know. Of course I have things I love to do but it’s nothing which is actually a job I could do. So many people in my year have found their places in the world and studying now in cologne or other cities. I’m just not sure what I want to do with my life, what it has to offer for me and where it is leading me. And having my parents and other people putting pressure on me doesn’t help. I know myself I have to decide what I want to do in the future…but pressure is something which won’t help at all.
Change is something I’m not really good with. I’m a person who’s used to how things are and I’m happy with everyday life. I don’t need any special things to happen. Now going from living at home to studying or basically going away from going to school for 13 years is a huge step for me.
But I also know change is necessary to get further in life. To experience other things and to learn about different things. Maybe change can be bad as well but change is something which everyone should have in their lives and it is necessary.
The decision I made for my future at least for the next year is going to the US to be an aupair there.
It’s something I always wanted to do but I also know it will be hard for me especially at the beginning.
I’m a total family person. I grew up in a family where it means everything to have family around. I’m seeing my grandparents who live in the same town at least every week and I’m on the phone to my grandpa in Austria a lot especially since my grandma died.
Now going to the US and not seeing them every week will be hard for me. But I know that it will get better over time when I’m homesick. I just feel that at least that is the right decision for me. Plus it will give me another year to hopefully find a job/subject I want to study...
“The future is not a result of choices among alternative paths offered by the present, but a place that is created--created first in the mind and will, created next in activity. The future is not some place we are going to, but one we are creating.” (Anonymous)
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xtina said on November 15, 2009:
Stef, many of us are in your situations. I, myself, am going to university with no real goal. I just want to study and explore. But next year, i'll have to decide on what i want to major into. I know that i want to do french, but my parents aren't too good with that choice. They always tell me that they'll agree with my choice, but i know deep inside that they're not happy with it. i know i should be doing what i want, what i love. but it's hard with all the pressure that people around me put on me.
About close to your family, i totally understand how you feel. i was close to my cousins, my grandmas and i left to come to canada. i miss them so much. then i tell myself that each one of us will go their separate ways and that we all have to be separated one day or the other. the separation might be premature, but this gives you time to explore more, to grow independently. I'm lucky to have my parents and my brother with me in canada. i know how hard it can be to be alone in a different country, i can see my friends who moved abroad for their studies. but once you get into the routine of that new life, you'll get used to it.
but don't forget that you shouldn't do something that you will regret after. If you're not ready to go to the states, then don't. you are still young... don't rush things and don't try to skip steps.you'll only stumble and be discouraged.
i hope you'll find your way soon! xo
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Stef
Stef is a girl that lives in Germany. She joined Dipdive on January 16, 2009. The last time she logged in was on February 4, 2012.
on Feb 4, 2012 from Twitter (retweeted from xTeamWyattx)
Wow.
this is EXACTLY how I feel at the moment, too. Feeling that confusion and pressure of career and future..but something I'm realising is we have to live for today, not always for like, five years in the future.. you could be in a completely different place in two, three years time.
Can I just say, I think it's amazing you're doing something like going to the US and being an aupair...you are really brave in doing something so different. And if it's something that you feel is right for you, then I really admire you. i'm sure it will be hard at the start.. it'd be hard for anyone, but with you being so close to your family and everything.. but you'll settle into life there, and it might even lead you on a new journey of your life. It'll be an amazing experience and maybe after that you'll know for sure what's right for you.
Good luck with everything!! much love xoxo