Who Am I?
Written by Stef on February 23, 2012
“Who am I?” – a question that has been in my head ever since reading it a few weeks at Uni. And to be honest I really don’t know. I don’t know who I am, or what makes me me.
I’ve never been one who dealt well with big changes in my life. Especially if it’s something that played an important role in my life.
The year I spent as an au pair in the US was one of the best times I ever had. I met amazing people, especially my host family who ARE like a real family to me and amazing friends I made great memories with and who I still talk to a lot. Those 12 months gave me the opportunity to “get out” of my normal life I had until then and learning more about myself.
Going back “home to Germany” was one of the worst. I was really looking forward to being home again, to have all the familiar things around me again and mostly seeing my family again who I really have a close connection with. But at the same time my heart and mind were screaming at me to not go, to just stay. The last evening I spent with my host family feels like it was just yesterday. Every time it pops into my head again when I miss them and think about everything it breaks my heart all over again…
Being back in Germany for almost 10months has had its ups and downs. Uni’s going good (well at least I hope so as I don’t have my results for the exams yet haha) and I made some new friends who I really get along with well. Being back with my family is amazing, and knowing when there’s something I just have them a few minutes away makes things easier.
But the last few months I’ve felt that I’m always split into half. I’m trying to be happy, happy with the new step of my life but I’ve come to a point where I realized that it’s just really hard. Hard because even though I feel like things are going ok for once, there’s just a really important part of my life missing.
That part is my host family and my life in the US (and everything that includes). That year abroad just changed who I was, and made me a different person. Now missing that factor in my life makes me wonder who I really am and who I might be changing into…
"Sometimes we live our lives like puzzle pieces turned upside down - only showing the world our gray sides. Then along comes life, and it starts flipping them over, showing to us and the world more than just the outline of who we are - it shows us the colors. If we can start to turn more over and put them together, we can see the picture of who we really are emerge." - Manifest
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Stef is a girl that lives in Germany. She joined Dipdive on January 16, 2009. The last time she logged in was on May 7, 2013.