Next step of my life / Home is where you heart is

Written by Stef on October 7, 2011

Next step of my life - Uni !!I can't believe it starts on Monday. Time has been flying like crazy recently. Tons of things to organize and there is more to come. The last couple of weeks/months definitely went by in a blink of an eye.

When I applied for Uni, I applied at a couple ones (because you never know where you will get in). In the end all the worry was unnecessary as I did get into each Uni I applied for. Still I needed to decide where to go. Do I want to move away again? To a different city? Maybe even a totally different part of Germany? Or would I rather just stay here, at home? In the end it took me a long time to finally decide. And I think it was the right decision. After being away from home, it's just nice to be close to your loved-ones and I know moving away for Uni would mean I would lose it all over again, for at least the next 3 years while studying. (Even though it would be different, as I could visit on weekends) Now I'm staying in my home town, going to a pretty good Uni about 20 minutes away.

I am sitting here, having a lot of questions running through my head. Didn't I just get back here? Am I ready for this? How will it be? Is it going to be how I imagine it to be? Will I be happy with it? ...There is no end to the questions going crazy in my head. But at the same time I'm also excited. Excited for the next step in my life. Growing, learning every day and eventually coming closer to the goal I set myself a few months ago when I decided what I wanted to study.

But it also puts a final "end" on something else. My year in the US.

Looking back now it was definitely the best decision I could ever make. In just a year I've grown so much, learned so many new things and made a few important steps in the right direction. In the direction of who I want to be eventually.

When I first got back to Germany in April it was all very weird and in a way all new to me. Probably the first 2 weeks or so I was just totally confused and actually overstrained, I had no idea how to cope with all of this. All of the emotions of being back home with my family/friends after a year and missing the people & the place I spent the last (amazing) year crashing in at the same time with no idea how to deal with all of this.

Looking back now and thinking about it, it got easier in a way, but also harder.It's easier to deal with all of this just because it has been a while. A while that helped me order my emotions and thoughts on all of this. But harder because there is no day I don't think about the last year. This year holds so many amazing memories, memories I never want to forget! My hostfamily are just really incredible people, and I love my twins more than anything. Addison & Christian (the twins) changed me so much, they made me realize things about myself each and every day. Now looking at videos and pictures I remember all the fun times we had, all the memories we share. Now talking to them on skype is the cutest thing ever (although I just wish I could give them a hug. Someone invent this please? lol) They don't really realize what "Steffi lives in Germany" means. Last time I talked to them they told me they already made Halloween plans and I have to "come over" and we're going to go "trick and treating"... It just breaks my heart knowing that I won't be able to see them any time soon. To spend the days the way I used to, just having fun with them.In my year I also made amazing new friends, friends I just have a connection to. We can sit somewhere talking not getting bored because simply there is no end to what we could talk about. Each and everyone I met in the last year while forever be in my heart as all of them made a huge impact on making this year so incredible.

But it's not only the people, it is also the city I lived in. Washington DC - to be honest at first I didn't know what to think of it. Yes as we all know it is the nation's capital. But what else is there? A lot more you don't know until you lived there. (Ok, to be exact here, I didn't live directly in Washington DC but just outside and I was in DC like every time I could.) Washington DC is really a beautiful city. Not crazy hectic but big enough. There are little awesome places around the city where you can hang out. (Favorite one? Watching the sunset at the Potomac River!)

"Home is where your heart is" this is what they say isn't it? Well where is my home/heart?

If someone would ask me today I don't think I could really answer it. There is not only one home for me, there are two.

Where I am now will always be my home. I grew up here, have most of my family/friends here, made all the necessary experiences everyone has to make and all of this while having a great childhood a lot of people could just ask for.

But by leaving the states in April, I left some part of my heart back at the place that was just simply home for me. A home I never expected to have the way it was, the way it is. I was accepted right away, even though I was pretty much a "stranger". I was part of a family I haven't known before but they welcomed me with their open arms. After a really short amount of time I knew, this actually does feel like home. Maybe not like the home I have in Germany (as I doubt it could ever) but home in a different way (which is just as awesome).

"It takes hands to build a house, but only hearts can build a home."

~Author Unknown

"Home is the one place in all this world where hearts are sure of each other.  It is the place of confidence.  It is the place where we tear off that mask of guarded and suspicious coldness which the world forces us to wear in self-defense, and where we pour out the unreserved communications of full and confiding hearts.  It is the spot where expressions of tenderness gush out without any sensation of awkwardness and without any dread of ridicule."

~Frederick W. Robertson

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Phew, typing all of this stuff out has been long and not that easy but I am thankful to have a place like BM to be able to do exactly this. To get my thoughts out, to people I know who will listen and care. Thank you so much. You guys are incredible!!

All in all I am looking forward to Monday, so excited!Let the Uni fun/stress begin...