disappointment ruined my good mood..(sigh!)

Written by empresszurcae on September 13, 2009

money money money..who can tell me that money is not the one makes this world go round??who can live without money??? aaaaah.....I was born to have the biggest problem in the world..MONEY...

Its hard for me to blog this confidential problem that i've been goin' through...I don't know what word suit my emptiness, what word can describe how pathetic I am. I was 16 when my father died 27 months and 23 days ago. Thats the time where our finance downwarded. And thats the start of the unstoppable catastrophe of my life. I am the eldest in the family. Who's the one incharge of everything left by our father??? ofcourse thats me. He wants me to  be a nurse, thats not my passion. But I can't do nothing, so I decided to enroll as a student nurse(no choice). Hello??? how many money will i sap just to survive this course. At first I am not motivated to focuse on studying the practice of nursing, but as I met my friends and my boyfriend, my outlook in nursing changed. I want now to be a nurse hopefully. I know I have the capability to be one of those rigistered nurses around the world. But how?? a huge huge huge HOW??? i DONT HAVE MONEY... My family have tons of credits from the relatives to the closest friends.  It really mortify my family. Its terrible embarassment. We can't do nothing about it, just wait until i finish this course. And when that time come, I will never hesitate to render up those credits... haizt! ;((

All I want to happen is to i win a LOTTO( a raffle where you can win millions of money) I always reserve my extra money just to punt in it. Until now I'm unfortunate to win, maybe because I am a sinful person. I never visit church , ugh! its been 2 years since i went in a church. Don't know why?? maybe i've been disappointed since God took my father from us. Before when my dad still alive, I am alive in church also. But now, I dont have any profit to it..ooooh God please forgive me...Although i don't go to church, I never forget to pray (as always).. God is the only one I can really rely on. I know his not deaf , Its a punishment i think..(its for being absent in his temple.) thats why he still not granting my prayers....

ok now why i am in the mood to compose a blog like this???? because this day is the day where I will pay my capping fee, my midterm fee, and other fees in school.  Unfortunately It was terminated. You know the feeling of thwarted??? ugh! I really hate this feeling...

I am pitiful..huhuhuhuhu..money always let me down....

ahhhhhhhhhhh!!!!