Life is a fucking Hell.

Written by gerdien on January 12, 2009

Damn.
I told u in my last Journal that i was back on bep.com.. But I still am not that muh online a i used 2.
And i'm f*cking sorry 4 that.

But it's not the site, or the people or something ..
It;s just myself, it's not realy going well @ the moment..

Like I told u, my dog died, and i miss her so much!
Damn I do..
And my brother.. well, I haven't told about him yet, so i will do now..
He left when i was about 4 years old with his wife.. And neven came back...
But 4 years ago.. i was like 12/13, I heard he'd broke up with his wife...
At that moment I had his email, so I talked 2 him, and i asked him why he'd broke up with her.. He said that he would tell me later.. So, he did, he told me that he was gay.. Ohmy, i was like : YUK! But ok.. I accepted it..
Now i have some contact with him.. I see him sometimes, but we don't talk.. Wich is kinda strange bcuz we are family... But he still never came home yet..
And Yesteday i've sended a email 2 him.. About how I feel of this situation .. He haven't answerd yet.. But i'm sooooo afraid how he will react...

But that's not al..
Bcuz I blame myself that I don't know my brother as i used 2..
So, I cut myself ( U've maybe see a pic of it in my Gallery..)
And I have a eating dissorder.. I have Anorexia. And it sucks.

I'm not telling u this bcuz I want attention or something..
No, I just want 2 explain why i'm not that much online anymore..
But now I just need The Peas, and you, Peadboddy's realy hard.
I trust u guys more than anyone else..

The Black Eyed Peas are the only reason i'm still alive..



& sorry for my bad English..