my life........

Written by iamty on June 11, 2009

why is it that when ever i think about you i cry?

why is it that when ever you're around i'm so depressed?

why is it that when you're not around i wish you were here with me?

why is it that when ever you smile i smile?

why is it that i love you so damn much?

why is it that you don't want to be with me but still i remain in love with you?

is there something wrong with me?

i want to be with you so much,

but i can't!

why do i love you!!!

why?

why?

why?

-tyler ---------6/11/09

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i was born in Allentown on October 20, 1994.

then less than a year later i moved to new albany, pa.

i lived there for a while then moved to mildred, pa.

i lived there since.... before headstart and then a couple years later

when i was in first grade my family and i had to move because my mom's ex-husband

burnt the house down to collect insurance money.

so then we moved to Lopez, Pa and i lived there since first grade

until my 8th grade year.

while living in lopez my brothers and i were abused by my mom's

ex-husband. he was....... well he had drinking and drug problems.

then in 4th grade mom divorced him and got with the nicest guy ever.

but.... now i know he is the biggest fucking asshole on earth and i realize

that no body cares about some one like me!

NO ONE!

my whole life i've been laughed at

and humilliated by everyone.

the person i love i'm affraid to tell him

how i really feel about him

because he'll probably think

i'm a freak and humilliate me

and then tell everyone

and every one will hate me.

i just really love him!

yes it's true.......i'm bi.

but no one knows but the people who read this.

i haven't even told my family because i don't know my dad or his

whole side of the family.

and the rest of my family doesn't like me.

i hate everything in life bcause everything hates me and everyone.

but.....there is one thing in life that i love and 6 people i love.

i love music!

not just one type but all of it!

all music has meaning and all music shows character.

but my most favored band is the BLACK EYED PEAS.

and the BLACK EYED PEAS are 4 of the 6 people i love.

they make music from the soul.

no one else makes music with as much meaning as the BLACK EYED PEAS.

the other 2 people are Cathy Jo Crane.

she has helped me through all my hard times and has let me cry on her shoulder

many, many times!

the last person is.......... the one want to be with but i don't think he wants to be with me.

all i can ever do is think about him!

i just wish i could hold him.

maybe someday in the future i will be able to be with him.

i have though about ending my life

but the music and the BLACK EYED PEAS and "him"

have all kept me from ending my life.

but i'm sure the day will come.

<3333333 -tyler----------6/11/09

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OMG! i can't believe i told the person i love that i'm bi!!! but he still doesn't know how i really feel about him. so i'll tell him today. i'm gonna tell him everything! i also found out that i have to go to the hospital because they're pretty sure they found a blood clot in my leg. i've been wishing i was dead for the longest time but..... now that i told him how i feel and he doesn't hate me i don't want to die. i love him! like they say..."be careful what you wish for, cuz you just might get it." i guess i'm finally getting what i wanted. but i don't want it anymore! idk! life hates me! and for the people who don't know a blood clot in the leg can kill you instantly if it burst. but idk. he still doesn't want to be with me even though i told him my secret. oh and i also found out that my friend's house burnt down yesterday. i was really depressed because i had a house burn down before and my 3 best friends died in a house fire. i know it's very hard to except. but...... idk....... no one cares about the emo. today is also the last day of school and i'm gonna half to stay home all summer because i have no one to talk to or any friends but 2. chris and racheal. no one cares about the emo. maybe some day my dreams will come true. but i doubt it. i dream of being with "him" and meeting the black eyed peas. but i understand that the black eyed peas are very busy people and they wouldn't come all the way to springfeild, maine for a person like me. if only, if only! all i know is i love "him" and i need some one to talk to. am i crazy?

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SEVERAL MONTHS LATER.....

"trust is like a mirror. you can fix it if its broke....but you can still see the crack in that motherfucker's reflection!"

"once you kill the cow ya gotta make a burger!"

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march 31st 2010

TODAY IN HISTORY:

my bestfriends died on march 31 2007. i miss them so much! think =ing about how i was suppose to be with them the night of there death really turns and twist my stomach and makes me feel very upset and uneasy. i need some one to talk to!