Blog Entry
I was molested.
Written by jenny12 on January 2, 2010
What an attention grabber, eh? Well, this is my first time ever admitting it. I can't tell you how many people have come through my life, and I haven't told a single person. Not even my closest friends. Sometimes you find solace in secrecy. But then again, you often find lonliness more.
I know that there are a lot of reasons why I've never said anything. Fear, shame, hate, anger, sadness, hurt....It's amazing how many emotions can flood through a person all at once. Sometimes I feel so overcome by them, the best thing to do is shut them away and not think about it. So if I don't tell anyone, I don't have to think about it. I've been afraid of what people would think or say... I didn't want to be seen as a girl who has been molested in their eyes. I didn't want to seem weak. I just wanted to be me. I know that this is me probably putting more labels on people than actually exist, but it's just the fear that comes with it. I have lived in fear too often though. I have to come to a point where I face this and move past it. It is such a horrible thing to happen to a person but now, I realize that I have two options - continue to let it hinder my life or speak out against it. Use my voice for others who have struggled with the same thing, the same feelings. To know that I have this ability is empowering and is very motivating.
He was a good friend of the family.... the man that did this. He was the older brother of my sister's friend. You're told that this is how you show love, that it's normal but then you're told that if you ever tell anyone, bad things could happen. So for some reason, I shut my mouth and just let it be. It tore at me, day after day. I often wondered.... how could "love" be so forceful and have to be so secretive. Why I didn't speak out sooner, I don't know. I guess you can attribute those same words to the situation - fear, hate, anger, hurt, sadness, lonliness..... and I always wondered why it had to happen to me. Why?
So here you are, BM family. The layers continue to unfold. I haven't been on here in a while, but I have thought of this place often. I've done a lot of thinking and soul searching for a bit and there are a lot of things in my life I'm looking forward to changing in this new year. And one is just to simply peel back some layers and face the things that have been lurking in the shadows of my past. I don't have to be ashamed and I don't have to lay down and be the victim. Like Kim, I can stand up and fight against it. Raise awareness and help others that have gone through the same thing.
I am beautiful. I am not alone. I am loved and I am a powerful woman. No one can take that away from me.
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jenny12
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ayxie said on January 24, 2010:
YOU are beautiful. YOU are not alone. YOU are loved and YOU are a powerful woman. No one can take that away from YOU....
Unveiling yourself and that particular experience to us is a very brave move and i admire you from that... Speaking up means you are ready to face the reality of what had happened as well as to start inspiring others who have the same experience as yours to speak up and stand up for their rights.
WE LOVE YOU JENNY... Don't forget that... =)
j3lu said on January 13, 2010:
So sad to hear this - Jenny, I am with you with all my heart for more strengths with my prayers for you. I will remember your blog always and always and my war will continue more aggressively as from now and with no fears in my eyes.
I swear over and over I will not give up till my last breast I will fight - No matter how much that will cost me in the future.
Here is the link of my Blog http://dipdive.com/member/j3lu/blog/9916
I started it over 3 month ago on DiPDIV,. Thank to MR DIPPY for the opprtunity Thanjs to ARNO the administrator and co owner of The BEP.com. Arno has been very tolerant to me during all my battles VS a predator resident, to grooming children, under age are teen girls.
This is my solemnly declaration undertaken by me to day under oath, with GOD as my witness, GOD gave me some brains I am using them properly well with hopes to see some predators and outlaws face the justice.
kerryyy05 said on January 11, 2010:
Well done for admitting this.
You have nothing to be ashamed of. It wasn't your fault what happened to you but the fact you're able to accept what happened to you takes not only a lot of courage but a lot of strength.
You are lovable. There's no reason for you not to be, I can see from your blogs you're a beautiful person so don't hide that.
Be proud, keep your chin up and ALWAYS know your self-worth.
You're a survivor and don't let anyone tell you otherwise.
xxx
Estrella82 said on January 5, 2010:
Jen, how strange I was literally just thinking of you the other day and then I see this on your profile!
I can't even begin to imagine what you have been through, both at the time and since as well, but all I do know is that I admire you so much for opening up about it and also how you have overcome it and made yourself a survivor, and the fact that you are able to come out the other side as an amazing and strong individual! Thanks for sharing somethig so personal, I know it cant have been easy.
Much love x
lee
j-u-l-e-s-04 said on January 4, 2010:
thanks for sharing something so personal to BM. its takes courage and strength to have done what you have done. i cant say i know what your going through but reading your blog will help me try to understand. this is the first step to recovery and i hope 2010 will be a fantastic year for you and all the best! xox
Aoife said on January 3, 2010:
I was assaulted in 08, i know its not the same but in a way ive had the same feelings as you. I admire you for being so open, because talking about it isnt easy.You should be really proud of yourself, and yes, you are truly beautiful. Theres something special in a blog where the writer pours their heart out. its beautiful. Hope that the new year is everything you want it to be and more :)
xoxoxooxox
bonzo said on January 2, 2010:
Talking about serious things is not really my strong point but I realize that what you've said takes a lot of guts. If you want me to kick this mans face in I will. I hate scum like that.
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jenny12
Jenny is a girl who is 27 that lives in United States. She joined Dipdive on August 10, 2009. The last time she logged in was on September 13, 2010.
on May 4, 2010 from twitter
Thanks to you all for the positive energy and messages. This is why I love this place and felt comfortable enough to talk about it hear. God Bless you all.