Forgiveness

Written by meganhaze on December 7, 2008

What do you do when your heart gets broken?  What are you supposed to do when the trust you have in someone is shattered by their actions?  What if this kind of thing seems to happen over and over again and you can't find a way to escape the pain?

Whether you have been dumped, abused, or stepped on by someone you love and/or trusted you will have a hard time finding forgiveness.  No matter how a person has been wronged they must find a way to forgive the person that has wronged them in order to be at peace with their lives. This can be easier for some and extremly hard for others but it must be done.  Even if the same person finds a way to hurt you, get your forgiveness, earn your trust and then hurt you all over again you must forgive them agian.

Okay, your thinking that im crazy. how could you trust someone and forgive them after they have burned you so bad?  WEll, i have to agree with you. Its crazy, but i know it is what needs to be done. Some people are wronged in such a way that the person that has wronged them doesn't ask for forgiveness or in some cases really don't deserve forgiveness, but (yes, another but!) you must work through the hurt to find the will to forgive  and move on.

I have had a conflict with someone i love for a long time and i find that i have been hurt over and over again because i have forgiven ,  tried to forget (im human, its hard to completly forget the pain), and learned to trust this person over and over agian.  I knew this person was struggling with her own issues and i had to use love and pastience with her but she had a habbit of taking out her anger and pain on me by telling me very hurtful things that slowly would rip me apart from the inside out. Sometimes I would cry but showing such emotions would only result in more torments because it was pethetic and stupid to show one's emotions. She would say things like she didn't cry or that I was only crying to get what i want, like i would use my emotions to manipulate the people around me. In truth she was using her lack of emotions to manipulate the people around her.  Im not perfect. I know this, but i also know that i have grown and matured in life and that i have changed the way i handle these situations. I used to let these emotions boil inside me for so long that when they came out they would explode in a horrible fit of screaming. I would do the same thing this person did to me and i would try to hust her by telling her horrible things. This  person didnt respond emotionally and it seemed that no matter what i said nothing would hurt her the way she had hurt me. In the end i just looked immature and I would even hurt more because I had said such things to someone i love. Over time my reaction to this persons words and actions has improved and i have learned to control the part of me that becomes so filled with pain that i just spill over and go out of control.  This change or improvement is me growing up and trying to mature for the world that i must someday face alone. Over the past few years the situation with this person has improved.  There were greater amounts of time inbetween each breakdown of the bond that we had and each time this bond was broken we would find a way to pull the broken peices back together and have a relationship.  Each time the bond was broken i would find myself broken and my trust in this person completly shattered.

Having been recently broken after one of the longest periods of time that we have had happily together, I reflect on the process that I have become used to. My trust in this person is broken and right now I don't have the happiest of thoughts about her, but over time I will forgive her and my trust in her will grow and things will be as if I had never been hurt in the first place. I move on because I must. I must move on through my current pain and knowing that this will most likely happen again  I must forgive...........again.