only i can say when the game ís over
It´s a beautiful day, 12:30 and i´m in the park… with my notebook and listening to the song ‘This is the life’
Can it be a better way to start one day?? Probably.. but i like this one.
Last week i’ve been hiding at home, and my skin is so white that sometimes when i look in my mirror i look sick, and that doesn’t help too much right now.
Sometime ago i made a vlog where i said that i was sure that.. after some time falling down, i was feeling kinda strong to get impulse and touch the sky again.
Ok.. this moment hasnt come, and i´m still falling down with the same problems, and maybe some new ones;
But that wont stop me, cause ONLY I CAN SAY WHEN THE GAME IS OVER..
Some days ago MFL wrote one thing in the forum that really made me think. It was a topic about addictions:
Can we control them? Can we be addicted to just one thing? Or we can be addicted to the addiction??
And i think thatL I told this to cris.
After a difficult life (difficult cause i´ve made it difficult )
I´ve realized that i am addicted to the pain… seems that when i start feeling happy, my heart feels that maybe if i can make everything by my own i wont need caring and love, and if i´m perfect (or normal) some people that are there, always with me, holding my hand, and drying my tears, will disappear from my life .
So.. each time that it seems that i´m gona achieve a problem, my brain finds another problem.. makes me see another fail, and makes me ask for help again..
My brain and my heart are my own demons. I have been most of my life depending on different people:
My gf or bf, my dad .. my friends..
But when i can be free, something there.. inside me , feel the biggest fear ever: THE LONELINESS
But all the fears, all the demons have their **nemesis *, that superhero always ready to fight against them
And my superhero is the love.
*the love that i´ve found in my BM family,; that beautiful people that always try to put a smile in my face
*The love of my dad, that even knowing all my fails, my defects,.. even with all the times that i´ve almost broken my family, keeps supporting me like if i were an angel
*The love of my friends, that although make things that i wanna avoid (but i cant get mad about it cause they dont do anything that i havent done before ) they still try to make me feel free .Maybe the way that they use to make it it´s not healthy, and not the best for me… but they have a sweet heart , and good intentions.
I´M NOT ALONE IN THIS BATTLE AND I WILL WIN
MY FUTURE IS IN MY HANDS AND ONLY I GOT THE KEY TO OPEN THE DOOR OF THE HAPPINESS.
Comments
Chiros said 21 days ago:
often life is made of glass, like a greenhouse, but a thousand times bigger. You're in and it's like being outside ... but you're inside. No need to explain anything to people, people know that this is a magic. The whole world is made of glass. Except the path of the memory, which leaves the heart the echo of thoughts, of our roots ... the legacy of the past and the old chains. if I look behind me I see my past moments that as kites soar in the air and open wings and in a more lucid moment, the memories come back and seem the same stuff of dreams but you have to throw the past behind you before you go on ... or put it in the basement, then when you need it, take it , clean it, and watch as a work of art of the past ...
All my love and support XoXo
Little-Bev said 22 days ago:
You can win and im sure you will win no doubt! We talk all the time on msn, you know im here to support you whenever you fall down.
Luv ya big sis xoxox
BAG said 23 days ago:
Well Mery, I can honestly say that if you are still falling down with the same problems as you always have been, then you need to change your approach to how you can make things better for yourself.
If you keep falling down in the same old fashion as before, then you need to do something different. I feel that maybe you depend too much on your family, friends, Beautiful Movements, etc. You can always get help from these sources, but it will always be up to you to solve them for yourself, and when you do solve your problems (and I know you will) you have to do it for yourself. You deserve to be happy for yourself, and yourself alone.
Look at yourslef, and I don't mean like a mirror or anything, I mean REALLY LOOK AT YOURSELF. What is it that you are missing? Where are these frustrations coming from?
If you know what the peoblem is, then you can solve it, always! The only thing is, are you willing to do the work to make yourself better.
If your saying that you are addicted to the pain, then what you really mean is that you are addicted to the EMOTION of pain, not pain itself. Feeling pain, sorrow, and missery is what makes us feel alive so when we feel depressed, or lonely, we feel alive and that's a great feeling whether it's painful or pleasurable.
So let me say this, if feeling the pain is addictive and makes you feel so alive, then imagine how you would feel if you felt an emotion like happiness and prosperity?
Don't be addicted to the emotion, be addicted to the journey of finding that emotion you need to complete yourself, because getting there is half the fun.
And look at it this way, if you have never fell down so many times, would you ever have fallen on Beautiful Movements and have made all the friends you have here?
:)
Estrella82 said 23 days ago:
Of course you will be the winner hun, just the fact that you can look at yourself and your feelings and write this shows you are aware of everything in your life and that you are strong. Always here for you :) Loadsa love xxx
Janurka said 23 days ago:
Yeah, you will win! I really do believe in you what you know. :) You are shining light for many people, including me. :)
I love you with my all heart and even more!
I will always be here, if you need. okay? :)
Love you.
xo
MFL said 23 days ago:
you know much i love you and care for you and will be here for you whichever path you take
i am always here to talk to whenever you need me
love you lots
em xxxxx
Add comment
You need to be logged in to do this
You will need a Dipdive account and you will need to be
logged in to use this function. An account is free, let's create one right now!
mery1a
Now online!
| Name | maria | ||
| From | Spain | ||
| Gender | Female | Age | 26 years |
| Joined | 9 months ago | ||
| What's Up? |
@Kerryyy05 about 38, 5 and 39,4º but feeling better, have had time to think (mostly about ur msg) it´s time to change baby!!
2 hrs ago |
||
i think BAG gave very good advice :) you should look for your sources of frustration, what makes you sad, what makes you think that pain is there. When you'll know what is missing, then don't ever stop looking for it. We don't always get the results right away. Everything requires hard work, determination. We all make mistakes mery. i've always told you that. Maybe you keep on doing mistakes, but i'm sure you have way more experience than many of us on BM...and many of us on this earth in general.
I wouldn't agree when you said that you're addicted to pain. It's the same thing with people who say that they're addicted to loneliness. they think they're happy being alone. it happened because they were deceived by the presence of some people in their lives who hurt them. In the same way, maybe you think that pain is what you want because you've convinced yourself that you deserve it. but nobody deserves pain. NOBODY INCLUDING YOU!
you deserve happiness as much as me, as much as anybody else.
Look at you mery, you make people laugh, you make people smile and you care for them. You're a wonderful lady.
I don't know how many times i've told you that, but you're beautiful, you're strong and many of us believe in you! We all believe that YES YOU WILL WIN THIS BATTLE!
all my love to you :)