BM inspiration

Written by mery1a on March 18, 2010

I feel inspired today ¡!

I didn’t have this feeling inside me since… mmm I can’t even remember.

Maybe it’s because of the sun???  All the people around me are walking .. talking, laughing.. I´m sitting on a bench close to my house which is placed on a beautiful street.

There’s a school at the other side of the road and I can hear all the kids playing and screaming.. I love it. Everybody seems to be enjoying this day and that joy is reflected in their faces, maybe some of them are sad, worried.. but each .. 5 or 6 steps everybody takes a look to the sun, or sees the smile in the face of the other people who are walking beside them and have to smile as well.

Like Aoife said in one blog some time ago. Smile is infectious. One of the best features of human being is; A honest smile.

I could speak in this blog (like I usual do and which is typically for me) about a lot of sad things that i have on my mind.. I could speak about things that make me feel worried but not now.. I don’t want to make it.. I feel good and I wanna share it with my beautiful people.

Like some of you already know, in 6 weeks I´ll “move“ to England, to work as an aupair.

I´ve been working hard during the last years, in pubs clubs.. being a barwoman is what I like. I can endure much hours of work like 12, 13 or 14 hours.. I like the contact with people.. . yes, it defenitely is what I will do in the future.. I will have my own club.. I know I will.

But one day, when I was talking to Stef, she was telling me about her excitement.. because she was trying to find a family in the US where she could work as an aupair. I said.. hey..  why not me??

Since I had my last surgery I haven’t been able to find a job.. which is extremely dissapointing me… right now my country, Spain has a huge problem with employment.

More than a 26% of the people are unemployed.

Even the people who got the best marks at university.. engineers and lawyers for example... noone finds a good job. And it seems like things won’t become better in the near future.

I didn’t want to be at home anymore, because that makes me feel useless.. I need action, because when I´m at home, bored.. i think too much, I get easily depressed, mad.. dissapointed..

Maybe it’s not my fault at all.. I mean.. i can’t change my attitude if I don’t have at least one thing that is exciting me... something to dream about .

So.. I said to myself.. hey , why dont you try this thing¿?? I love other cultures, other languages.. and especially english.

One year ago, before I joined BM i was soo bad at English. I just studied it at school(more than 10 years ago) and I have to admit that I wasn’t the best one in it..

But then I met you, my BM family. I felt something inside me.. a little voice that told me:

hey babe, this people are amazing.. they have interesting things to talk about.. you can learn from these people.. so what are you waiting for?? You need to make an effort to understand them, and you can do it because you like it…

And i did it..

I still remember those first days when I had to translate everything on the Internet ..

especially Kim´s first blog.. omg I didnt understand anything but that didn’t make me feel bad. In my head i had a dream:

Mery, you will work hard and soon you will be able to tell these people that they are inspiring you.

You will be able to open your heart and share your own experiences, you will be part of this¡!

Now.. almost 13 months later .. I can say that I´m proud of myself.. not because of the things i shared…because ”unfortunately” or not, most of the things that i´ve written  here were sad things., my fears.. my sad memories.. I´m proud because I made the effort and am PART of this.

I did my best to understand, learn, support, ask things and offer help about things... (some of them) that I may have already done in the past with my friends. But now I feel that not only my mind is involved, but also my heart and my love .

And this won’t stop.. being here has made 2 impacts on my life.

1) I´ve been able to share everything that has broken my heart for many years, things that even my parents or my best friends dont know.

2) I feel that I can help people.. I also feel that for firts time I´ve found a family, real friends who don’t judge me because of my past. People who don’t call me loser when I make a mistake, people who are even 100% different from me, can support everything I dream about, everything I want…

A FAMILY.

So guys.. I don’t like to ask for things often but there’s one thing that I want to ask you for:

Don’t stop growing.. don’t stop feeling, sharing, helping and asking for help..

Because BM is the miracle that everybody should find .. it is the temple that everybody should have…

I know I´ll never find something like this, and honestly i dont need it anymore.

I love you with all my heart because althought i´m still not perfect, not even a good person, I feel almost complete since I met you.

Thanks for being there always to inspire me

Love ya xoxoxox