Blog Entry
Fear
Written by number1pcdfan on October 2, 2009
There are some things in life that are too werid or too scary to properly thing about or process. An example, Death. We dont want to ever have to face death, think about how we will die or want to die. We dont want to see the people around us that we love die but death is something no matter who you are and where you that you have to face evently. Whether you will face it yourself or it will be a loved one , there sometimes isnt anything you can do about it and THAT is scary.
Everyones deals with things in their own way, although deep down we are all the same but one thing i have trouble processing is something that is strange for everyone i think.
Seeing your parents cry. I've only ever seen my dad cry twice, after my grandad died of cancer and he came in, sat down and told us before breaking down into tears. We had know that my grandad, Herbie didnt have long to live for a while but it still killed inside when my dad told me. I was very upset but maybe more in shock of seeing my dad cry. He has always been strong and never had i seen him even become close to tears and there he sat crying. I felt helpless, i wasnt sure whether to hug him or leave with my mum or say something. Its kind of scary watching the people who have brought you up in the world, protecting you from everything and everyone looking so helpless and broken and alone.
Then my dad cried at the funeral and i felt the same feeling, a really tight chest and a feeling of complete helplessness.
Ive seen my mother cry a lot more but it seems more natural for some reason. Maybe because shes a woman, not that i'm saying women are weak but we show are emotions a lot stronger. And maybe because the first time i saw i cry was when i was still very young. After my great-grandad had cried was the first time i remeber and she loved him very much.
Still it always feels strange when ever it happens. These strong people suddenly losing their strength and need you to cling to instead of you needing them. When i think back on these moments in my life i stil can feel my uncertainness and fear. The memory is a funny thing sometimes you will remember the worst things ever happened to you but u can barily remember your last birthday.
Member
number1pcdfan
React
4 Comments
ShareComments (4)
j3lu said on October 21, 2009:
number1pcdfan said on October 7, 2009:
Amy , u just ..... really touched me. i thank you with all my heart, you just almost made me cry. i belive there is a power that binds humans together to share your feelings, heart and soul but u must expect it. amy u have expected it.
Ninja-BEP thank you. im happy he is at peace.
AussieCatDoll said on October 5, 2009:
congrats on your first blog!! i love it :)) and i love the pic you added. you look so much like ur dad :))
I think it can be sometimes awesome and sometimes the worst the way the brain remembers things.. but trauma remains to stick no matter how soft, even it can be clouded in certain ways we don't even realise, but its when it attacks you, its the worst. and find it so hard on me when my folks cry, thank goodness it doesn't happen really... but whats even more hard is to make your parents cry, that kills you more... like that happened when i was reluctant to go to school (not wagging, but refusing to leave the door) because i think i had depression... i dunno.. but yeh its such a shitty feeling, that never leaves you.. but true tears are always about someone else, they are caring tears.. i'm lucky enough not to lose anyone yet, but when it happens i want t be strong... the first time i suddenly fell to the ground literally with a massive weight suddenly falling from the sky onto my shoulders causing me to be on the ground, it happened so fast.. it was when i my mum got a call from a g'rent.. i was thinking someone died, until i heard my Auntie had Breast Cancer, i fell on the ground and balled my eyes out perhaps in relief that no one had died but also in terror of of a deadly disease my aunty has... death is something that always gets us so unexpected even if the victim is expected or has been sick for so long, it still is a surprise.. but i believe there is no such thing as coincidences, and it all happens for a reason, even when we try to stop it we can't. but all we can do is learn from it, remember only the best of the relationship we had with the loved one we lost, and be happy that they are in no pain at all, no trouble, no worries, no doubts... ever again. R.I.P to your Grandpa :) he's with you in spirit, in heart and memory if you let it be.. never forget, never be sad again but happy and relieved, no one will ever take his place :) and his lights helps yours shine, for you to be ur best you can ever be... Lots of love Amy xoxox <3333 :))
Ninja-BEPAdd Comment
Add comment
You need to be logged in to do this
You will need a Dipdive account and you will need to be
logged in to use this function. An account is free, let's create one right now!
