Strength Through Inspiration

Written by pussylicious on September 23, 2011

I've been wanting to a new blog for a few days, but wasn't sure on what subject I wanted to write about. I remember Kimberly commenting on one of my previous blogs saying that "The best blogs are ones filled with truth and honest." So instead of just writing a blog for the sake of it, I've waited until I could truly write from the heart. And something that's helped me a lot recently, is gaining strength through inspiration of those close to me.

If you've read some of my previous blogs, you'll know I've got M.E. It's been bittersweet recently. I've been back at school for the majority of my classes (and enjoying it) and my walking has started to improve a bit - I can walk to my class in school (which is one of the furthest away from the main entrance), without too much difficulty, as long as I pace myself. It might seem like a pretty simple thing, but it feels like a huge achievement to me.

However, over the past couple of weeks particularly I've been struggling with getting into school - having to push myself to get in then being off the next day as a result. I have to admit, when I have a bad day physically, it really gets to me. I'm always scared of going back to the place I was a few years ago, where I was in my bed for months. But a number of people have really kept my spirits up inspired me to keep going.

1. My mum - I think it's fair to say that a lot of people need their mum, no matter what age you are. It may sound cliche but she's one of the strongest people I know! She hasn't been well recently - she's anaemic has had problems with absorbing Iron (even through tablets injections). And this combined with other health problems, has left her with very little energy. In fact recently, I was out shopping with her she had to call my dad to come and help her get home as she thought she was going to collapse. It's safe to say it really scared me, but at the same time inspired me in a way. She keeps going no matter how terrible she feels, putting herself before others (when sometimes she really needs to hlep herself by resting.) She often goes out to help people with various things, and the other she really hurt her back whilst looking after my nephew, and was determined to try get on with things, even though she could hardly move due to the pain. She's such a selfless woman I admire her so much. When I see how often my mum struggles through things, it's hard to watch. Although it's really given me the motivation, to try keep going as much as I can; especially because I know that there are times when she feels worse than me; yet, I have the option to rest sometimes.

2. My Aunty - She was diagnosed with a tumour in her stomach late last year, yet she has dealt with it so well. Even though treatment has been gruelling for her, she's travelled down (she lives 2/3 hour away from me) for special occasions just to spend time with me my family. I know that fear has really held me back at times; I've been too scared to try things in case it makes me feel worse - sometimes missing opportunites. But now, when I get asked to go out some place, I try to think of my aunty the amount of times she's sometimes travelled alone (when she can barely walk) to see me, regardless of how she feels, because she loves us. Seeing her put the ones she loves beyond her illness is amazing, and I aspire to be like her. One thing that has always stuck with me that my mum once told me is to remember "You're not a sick person, you're a well person who's unwell" - basically not to make your illness your identity - and my aunty certainly doesn't! She recently had a major operation which removed her whole stomach to get rid of the tumor although it's going to be a long recovery, she's already talking about her plans for the future, which is incredible. I find it inspiring that she's setting herself goals, and not focusing on the negatives.

3. My friend Steph - I've known her for a few years now, but we only became friends about a year ago, yet she's one of the people I trust the most; an amazing friend! It's funny because she'd been in my thoughts&prayers a lot recently, and I was just thinking about her, when last week she wrote on my wall on Facebook, asking after me. I know she's prayed a lot for me when I've been ill (which really means a lot to me!) and I have for her too. Again, she's incredibly strong. She suffered a bad knee injury a few years ago, meaning she had to have several operations had to use crutches to walk for a year or so. Yet despite such a thing that could easily hinder her, whenever I see her she always has a smile on her face - braving through the pain - I always feel so positive when I'm around her. In our conversation the other week, I told her how much I admire her positivity inner strength how it inspires me. She sent me a lovely message back saying that it meant so much to her, as she had always admired me for that reason - I couldn't believe that - I've never really thought of myself as much of a strong person to be honest; if anything, I sometimes feel weak. Then 2 days ago, my mum got a text from one of her friends, who had been talking to Steph she had told her that whatvever I'd said to her on Facebook had really helped her. I was really surprised - in a nice way though. Steph's always encouraging inspiring me, so that meant the world! It goes to show that encouraging people can in fact end up encouraging yourself has definately helped me! :)

4. My BM family - In 4 months I'll have been a member of the BM family for 3 years now (I honestly can't believe how quickly the time's gone in  - wow!) Reading your blogs chatting to you all on here has inspired me a lot. It's fair to say we've all been through difficult times, but it's also clear that we are a strong group. Reading blogs about difficult times that we you are facing makes me sad, knowing that you are suffering. But often, there is follow up blogs on how situations have changed improved, and that's always encouraging! I just want to thank each every single member of the BM family who's ever given me advice (which is always so helpful), been there for me (through the good times the bad) and just for a good old chat :) Each of you have touched my life in such an incredible way I just want to thank each of you very much - I don't know where I'd be without you all. There's a common saying 'Home is where the heart is' and of course, for me it's here in Glasgow. But also, (and this is gonna sound cheesy) but it's also on Beautiful Movements. :) <3

Kimberly: Thank you so much for creating Beautiful Movements. I've never felt like I've fitted in anywhere near as much as I do here. I've met people I believe I'll be friends with for years to come. Seeing how hard you've worked to get where you are today is inspiring. It's shown me that if you 'Dream & Believe' you really can achieve anything. You're such a beautiful person, on the inside out. Thank you for all the time you give to each of us on Beautiful Movements - not many people in your career do that. You've got a heart of gold, and God has truly blessed us with you on this earth. I'd also like to thank you for the Skype call last Sunday (18.9.11) - I can honestly say it was the best night of my life and an absolute dream come true! Thank you so much for calling me - it was so lovely to talk to talk over the webcam -you're so lovely! I have to admit I felt sooo nervous before you called, because you inspire me so much I'm definately in awe of you hehe! But when you started to talk to me, I felt so at ease. I hope I'll get to meet you one day (that would be my biggest dream!) although, I'm still on cloud 9 (or more like a million!) from Skype! hehe. When I told my friends they thought what you did for us all on BM was so sweet. This is probably going to sound cheesy, but when you said to me on Skype "Know that you are so loved. We love you Rachel!" That was the loveliest thing anyone's ever said to me I'll never forget it - it truly means so much to me! Have to admit, I cried after the Skype call (although happy tears!) It was one of the happiest days of my life so thank you! It was also great seeing some of the BM family in the background. :) Also, just wanted to say 111 is such an incredible album - it definately represents you really well you can hear you've put your heart&soul into it! Emerald Showers is my absolute favourite track, although the whole album is incredible! Probably going to sound cheesy again (I'm on a roll tonight with cheesiness! haha) but I'm going to repeat what you said to me, know that you are so loved. We love you Kimberly! Thank you for everything! All my love and support forever xoxo

So overall, I guess what I'm trying to say, is that when you're struggling look to others for strength, through inspiration of their experiences. As a Christian, I've been looking to God a lot (especially recently) for strength; my favourite verse (that's encouraged me a lot) is "The joy of the Lord is your strength" - Nehemiah 8:10 <3 Another verse that particularly got my attention was this (as it reminded me of my BM family): "Some friends may ruin you, but a real friend will be more loyal than a brother." - Proverbs 18:24 :)Love you always and forever BM fam!- Rachel

xxxxxxxxxxx

*Picture: a screen shot of my skype call with Kimberly and some of the BM fam (the colour's not that clear because of the way my camera was tilted) but I used this picture as this was from when Kimberly the BM fam made a heart for me :) <3 Love you guys so much! <3