Written by watersmagoo on June 27, 2009
In our lives we will more often than not be faced with something that is beyond our control. Where you will have to put on your coat of armour, hold up your shield and grasp your sword. This is the point where you make it or break it. Where your inner self is defined, and where you are forced to choose between finding the strength to go on, or take shelter from the storm.
No one said that finding strength was going to be easy. It is a test of character and most importantly it helps us to believe in ourselves.
If you truly believe in yourself. You will find that strength inside without even having to use a torch. You wont need to fumble around in the dark. You wont need a map. It will just be there.
And following close by will be courage.
If you look at yourself and honour what you see and accept who you are. You will gain the courage to succeed.......this is your greatest tool.
You are probably wondering what prompted me to write this blog. If I was to cut open my veins and bleed the truth to you. I would tell you this.......
Many of us having read the blog on beauty on the BM site have now pondered on our own faults.....about what we would like to change about ourselves...
I often sit here and wish I was skinny. I am too weak to starve myself, I would rather just be disappointed and accept who I am and who I failed to be.
There are things about myself I dont like. But I cant change them, and I shouldnt want to change them. I should be happy with who I am and be grateful for what I have been given.
Like you all, some days I lose my strength. I dont want to carry on. But its your friendship that helps me through. I have connected with alot of you and now cant imagine my life without you.
I have a confession to make.......what you see in me I do not understand because I lack confidence. I may appear strong willed in writing. But that is because we all hide behind something. Whether it be glasses, a hat or a mask. We all hide our true feelings. You cant deny it? You honestly cant?.......you can ignore your thoughts and feelings. But they will always be there to haunt you while you sleep........or prevent you from sleep.
I struggle on a daily basis with confidence. When I moved here to Australia with my sister I was just out of high school. I had alot of friends who I left behind. I sometimes wonder if I made the right decision. But I cant live on regret....it will eat away at my very being until nothing is left....like an apple.....I will be bitten to the core.
Im not going to lie. The first year here in Australia as you read in my previous blog was very hard, even though I came out of it alive. I still bare the scars on my soul. I bare them on my heart. I was too busy fighting to live to make new friendships......and when things got better.....I felt I didnt deserve them. So I stopped trying and settled with just my sister and I.
I didnt need friends......well.....I thought I didnt.
It is sad for me to say that in my own struggle for life I gave up what is the most beautiful gift of all....and that is "Friendship".
I pretty much just have my friends who I work with here in Australia. As bad as that sounds, I just lack confidence. Low self esteem. I dont feel pretty, and I feel over weight. So I settle for second best. I know in my heart I need to find strength to meet new people. But I choose to hide behind things because its easier.
Dont get me wrong. I have alot of friends outside of work. Just not in this country.
The morale of this blog is.....
When oppurtunity arises....find the strength to carry on. Dont give up and settle for second best like I did. You deserve more, you just need to believe in yourself.
You find strength in the strangest of places. Do what ever it takes to make yourself happy and dont let low self esteem or lack of confidence take that away from you.......
Because believe me when I say this............if you give up on what strength you do have..........its hard to get it back....
Waters Magoo xo
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Nicole is a gal who is 31 that lives in Australia. She joined Dipdive on April 29, 2009. The last time she logged in was on December 27, 2010.